It's Saturday!!!!

Yay....my husband is coming home! I'm so excited to see him.  I'm never letting him leave for this long again:-) haha.  But in the meantime I'm doing laundry, some cleaning and then going to see some ice sculptures at Lake Michigan.  Should be fun.  At least something to do to keep me busy.  

Our first doctor appointment is on Monday afternoon.  I'm hoping we might be able to hear the heartbeat, but it might be too early.  I'm also thinking of 'announcing' our news afterwards.  But still have thoughts that it might be too early.  I guess it's only a week and a half til 12 weeks....so maybe I should just wait!  But as you know, I'm not the most patient! HA.  

I miss my husband!

Is it Saturday yet???

10 weeks

Holy crap I'm a quarter of the way through this! Yikes. Pretty cool though. After yesterday I have a whole new appreciation for those that have morning sickness and consider myself even more lucky that I haven't had much. I feel 100% better today. This morning was a little iffy, but now I feel fine. Which is good, I have dinner plans with a friend! I think part of my problem was hormonal yesterday....which didn't help the rest of the issues. I was really sad and missed Dean a lot. That never helps. But today is better an he'll be home in 3 days!

Anyway...back to baby. It's apparently the size of a kumquat. Kind of a funny thing to be the size of, but it's getting bigger! And at the end of this week it will no longer be an embryo but a fetus. Pretty exciting. Our first appointment is next Monday. Can't wait for that. I'm hoping we can hear the heartbeat on the doppler, but it might be too early. We'll see.

Well...back to the day...glad to be feeling better today and hopefully won't revisit that again!

P.S. Oh, and I forgot....my last day of the prom.trium was yesterday. Yikes! I am/was nervous about stopping. Mostly because I've been doing it for so long. But I can tell you I'm so glad it's over. It was making me very uncomfortable. S.ex was horrible. And honestly, I'm sick of sticking my finger there....yuck. So needless to say, I'm hoping for some peace with this. And hopefully when my husband gets home I won't even have time to think about it!!!

Apparently not my day

I'm not having the best of days. I'll start from the beginning. I slept horribly. My husband is out of town so I have to be in that house by myself. Doesn't usually bother me, but since my sleeping is so bad, every time I roll over I wake up. And these dreams aren't helping. Nor is getting up to pee twice a night. So I finally get up for the day and look at myself in the mirror. I look like hell. My hair looks like crap, my face looks like crap and I look like I've gained 100 pounds. I know that gaining weight is the least of my issues, but try telling that to someone who has borderline weight issues. I knew I should have lost this IF weight between this one and the last one, but I didn't. So hear I am, 15#'s heavier than I feel like I should be and now staring down the barrel of gaining more. It just scares me. That and I haven't been sick, so all I've done is eat. Well, apparently Leon didn't appreciate me telling him he was too big already and now I feel like shit today. Pukey, crappy, shit. I guess I learned my lesson. I'm going to try to make it til 2:00 and then I'm going home.
I know it's just pregnancy hormones, but I'm on the verge of tears and I feel bad. So in my opinion, what's the point in staying here. So for the next 50 minutes I will be getting my work done and then leaving. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day! Hurry home Dean!!

Sunday again??

How does it get to be Sunday so quickly?  The work week seems to drag by and then the next thing I know, it's Sunday again...crazy.  Anyway, as always I have a lot to be happy and thankful for this week...

1) First and foremost, my mom had treatment again this week.  Now that she's doing the blood draws over here in Kalamazoo, she's only driving across the state once every 3 weeks.  This was one of them and she had scans on Wednesday prior to the scans.  Anyway, for the first time in 10 1/2 years, the spots are shrinking.  I tear up just thinking about it.  This drug may suck, she may have days where she feels horrible, but the spots are getting smaller.   My mom has been through hell and I am so thankful she finally got some good news.  I pray that this study continues to go well and they can put this drug on the market.  Just think how much good it could do for others!  And to think she is one of 100 people worldwide to get chosen for this study....it was like winning the lottery!  And now to think that this drug actually might be doing something.  

2) First appointment with the OB nurse went well.  Just another step in a hopefully successful pregnancy.

3) Still feeling very good. No morning sickness.  Very thankful for that. 

4) Got to spend some good quality time with Dean before he left for a week to Orlando!  Already want him to come home!

5) I even made it to the gym a few times this week....it's tough when all I want to do is sleep.  Now we'll try to do that again next week!!

Happy Sunday!  here's to a new week!

It's real now

Well, I guess all this baby stuff is for real now!  I got a letter from my insurance company today stating I have been pre-certified to have my baby.  Apparently my doctors office rules and does all this for me.  So I guess now the only issue would be if I don't actually have the little one on 8/26...hmmm.   I guess we'll deal with that when it gets closer.  But for now, it's fun to have yet another step towards having my little baby!  

Now off to try to choke down dinner and then back to napping on the couch.  It has been a really long day and I'm already ready for bed.  At least it's Friday:-)

Scratch that

I told the office girls...we were talking about conferences this summer so I figured I'd better tell since I won't be traveling on an airplane this summer! Feels good to have it out!

9 Weeks and 1st OB appointment

Well, things are moving right along. Here we are at 9 weeks. The little one is the size of a grape and weighs just a fraction of an ounce. Seriously? How does a fraction of an ounce want to eat so much? If I listed everything I ate, you all would be sick! It's a lot. Apparently this is the other side of morning sickness....constant eating. Overall I'm feeling ok. Not really queasy just very tired. Not too many mood swings or hormonal breakdowns (except toward the crazies I work with). Apparently I have a somewhat different form of morning sickness in the form of diarrhea. Not too pleasant. But I guess I'll take that over being sick. I've been going to bed earlier but sleeping isn't going so great. So that is adding to my tiredness.
We had our first OB appointment with the nurse yesterday. I wasn't quite sure what to expect and it definitely wasn't much to get excited about. She basically put us in a conference room and updated my file. Asked a bunch of health questions and then went over a bunch of brochures. All of which are interesting, so we'll be reading through those. One for the birthplace, one for classes offered at the hospital, optional tests we can have done, etc., etc. We were supposed to meet with the insurance girl in the office, but my insurance company hadn't called her back yet. So we will do that at the next appointment. I called them anyway, because I wanted to know if they cover these optional tests (which they do not). So I have a little info but not much. So now we wait til Feb 2nd for our first appointment with the doctor. I know these next 8 months will go by fast, but right now it feels like it's dragging by!!
We have started telling a few people outside our close circle of friends and family. It's been fun. Everyone is so excited for us. The only thing I'm wavering on is telling work. They are all pretty self absorbed, so I don't think they know anything is up (but I will guarantee the crazy one will say she could tell....she wouldn't want someone to tell her something first!) Part of me wants to just get it over with and part of me wants to keep it to myself. I just don't know what to do. and I don't really know how to tell them either. It seems a little odd to just bust out with it. Anyone with suggestions...I'm open to them!!
So basically everything is going well, we're very happy and excited. Yay for being pregnant!!

do you ever wonder....

why some people make a big F-ing deal out of nothing? Seriously...I think they think it makes them look better or something. Ugh....get over yourself.
Ok...off the soapbox.

Please be 4:45 soon or I'm going to have to take a nap at my desk. I really thought I was handling the fatigue well....it's 100 times worse this week than last. If this is my only bad symptom...I'll take it. But please let me go home soon:-)

Oh...and one other thing...apparently my pregnancy hormones don't cause me to be sad or get upset over things my husband does....they make me annoyed as HELL with my coworkers. Seriously, 8 hours a day with these bat shit crazy people is getting to me!

Sunday

It's Sunday night again and my list of all I'm happy and thankful for for the past 7 days...

1) First off I'm so thankful that the bleeding has stopped and has not returned.  It must have been from the ultrasound.  Here's hoping that doesn't happen again.

2) I got to see and hear my baby's heartbeat.  It was an amazing 164 bpm.  The most wonderful sound in the world.  

3) I'm so thankful for Mich.igan Repro.ductive for helping us through this journey and getting us to the point of being pregnant and staying pregnant.  The staff there is amazing and they were all so excited for us as we left on Thursday.  It was a wonderful feeling and if we have trouble on the next one, I won't be so worried about going back.  

4) I have the most wonderful husband. He let me cry and carry on on Thursday when I thought nothing but the worst.  He just held me until I finally settled down.  I know he hates that part...but he's so good at reassuring me!  

5) I'm so happy I get to share this pregnancy with my grandma.  She is beyond excited for the first grandchild/great-grandchild in the family.  I am not sure the logistics of it all yet, she's living in California.   Not the easiest for travel with a newborn or for an 85 year old.  So I'm not sure when we'll see her again.  

6) My little brother is headed back for his last semester in college...it was fun to see him while he was home and I'm very proud of him for making it through in 4 years.  It was touch and go there for a while.  But he really pulled it out this last semester with his best grades ever and even taking extra classes to be sure to graduate on time.  He shouldn't have had to worry about it, but you know how those frat boys are....parties are a little more important than classes:-)

7) My bed....I love it.  I have been so tired lately, it feels so good to just lay down at night and fall asleep.  I know it's a dumb thing to be thankful for, but come August, I may not be seeing as much of it.  So I'd better enjoy it now:-)

Well, I chose 7 things today because there are 7 days in the week.  Sorta silly, but oh well.  I just need to remember to be thankful and happy.  This is a good time in our lives, and we can't wait to see how it all unfolds.  Can't wait to meet the little one and maybe even hear the heartbeat again on Feb 2nd at our first appointment with the doctor.  

Now on to another week....

Pictures

Here you go Suz....pictures of the little one.  I know they don't look like much, but it's fun to see how big it's getting.  The line on the bottom is the heartrate.  The equipment in the Kalamazoo office is apparently a little older and less precise than the GR office, but you still get the idea.  I for some reason can't get the close up picture to download...but I will try again later.

And last but not least....at picture of the themometer last night...yeah, that says -9.7*.  Apparently it got down to -18 around midnight (long after I was asleep).  I'm so over this cold weather and this snow.  I am more than ready for spring!!

Feeling better

This morning most of the spotting has stopped and what is there is a light brown color. Sort of gross, I know, but I'm happy it's not red anymore. I called the drs office first thing and the nurse thinks it's probably from the ultrasound b/c everything looked so good yesterday at our appointment. I'm going to monitor it and if it starts again I will be calling again. But for right now I am trying to think only of the ultrasound yesterday and seeing and hearing that tiny little heartbeat. We will be taking it easy this weekend and hopefully everything will go back to normal.

So Scared

How can you go from being the happiest girl in the world to being scared out of my mind?  I went to my parents for dinner tonight.  I was about to leave and decided it could be a long drive home with the snow and cold we're getting.  So I went to the bathroom.  As I'm finishing up I notice something on the tp (any infertile will agree with me that you become an avid tp/underwear checker for anything out of the ordinary!)  So I wipe again, more blood.  Bright, red, blood.  I sit there and stare at it for a few minutes and then wipe again.....more blood. I didn't know what to do.  I just left without saying anything.   Made it to the car and half way down the driveway before I burst into tears.  I proceeded to cry basically the whole way home.  I'm terrified.  We had good news today, we saw the little baby and heard the heartbeat.  How in the hell can I be spotting/bleeding now?  I don't feel like I'm cramping, but my stomach does hurt.  Probably b/c I was hysterical.  I'm exhausted now.  I am going to bed soon and will probably stay home tomorrow in the morning until I can call the drs office.  I don't know if there's anything I can do, but if there is, I will be doing it.  I know I ask for prayers a lot, but if you have any extra....please please please send some my way.  Please God don't let me loose this baby!

So happy!

Well...the ultrasound went fabulously! I was very nervous going into it. That machine is so intimidating. And knowing where that wand is going...yikes. Anyway, after some small talk with the dr, we got to work and there it was. My tiny little baby growing like a weed in there. It was the most amazing thing ever. It went from 2mm (13 days ago) to 15.3mm today. That is crazy...I realize 15mm isn't very big, but it's way bigger than before. And we got to see the tiny little heartbeat. It's seriously nothing short of a miracle. And then, the most expected part...the dr says "Do you want to hear the hb?" Hear it? Of COURSE I do!!! So he turns the volume up and pushes a bunch of buttons and all of a sudden we hear swoosh, swoosh, swoosh really fast. I was in awe. Seriously it took everything in my power to not cry. I was just so happy. So he tracked the hb for a while and then measured it. It's 164 bpm, which is right in the middle of where it should be. So for my timing (just over 8 weeks) it is right on track for size and hb. I couldn't be happier (do you see a trend here...)So we get dressed and meet him in the conference room. We talk about some things, joke about my lack of symptoms after my husband so generously announced that yes, I have symptoms. Pretty funny. I can stop the progesterone on 1/27 (THANK GOD!) And I'll be calling my OB as soon as I can get a moment away. Not sure if I want to try to make that call here at work...I still haven't told them and I'm not sure when I am going to. It's not that I don't want to, I just don't want them in my shit for the next 8 months. And I've worked here long enough to know, they'll be in my shit! So anyway, now I'm just a regular pregnant lady!! Off to the OB!! Yay!!

Pictures to come when I get home from work:-)

1 hour

I'm leaving work in 1 hour for our 8wk ultrasound. The butterflies are starting to get to me...I'm so nervous and anxious!!! Praying for the best. Update to come!!

8 Weeks

Holy cow....8 weeks! I didn't think I'd see this:-) But very happy to be here and very excited to see the little one again tomorrow. Can't wait for 11:30 tomorrow morning!! Nothing has changed much. Still feeling a little queasy here and there. Almost lost my cookies a few times, but nothing bad. Having to pee a lot (and I mean, A LOT!). And I'm hungry all the time. Seriously, all the time. I haven't gained any weight yet (not that I'm worried, but I have been checking). I don't know how, considering I eat ALL THE TIME. I told Dean last night we have to get something else for me to snack on other than carbs. So we're going to the store to get applesauce, some fruit and maybe yogurt. I was thinking of maybe making some fruit smoothies and putting it in the freezer til I'm ready. That might be a good snack....we'll see how brave I get this weekend. So that's about the extent of it. My mom keeps telling me to not get ahead of myself and I'm trying very hard not to. But looking at baby stuff is just so fun! Although only 1 more month and we're 12 weeks...wahoo....can't wait!
I'm getting very excited about the possibility of the last RE appointment tomorrow. I'm hoping I can call my OBs office and make our 1st real appointment. I have been reading about when that usually happens and I think that because we're already 8 weeks, we might not have to wait too long. Maybe 4 weeks at the most. Which would be awesome! And my husband has been so good about everything. He's reading his book about all this and seems genuinely interested. I think he's excited...in his own little way. So cute.
I'm trying to not dwell on the negative, but I found out yesterday another girl going through the trenches of IF could possibly be losing her twins. I feel horrible for her. It's not a fun place to be. I've been praying for her. Hoping she can find peace in all this, even though it's so hard. But also trying not to put myself in her place. Also, very hard.
Overall....things are good here though. Very excited to be 8 weeks pregnant, very happy that I'm not sick, thrilled to have a very supportive, loving husband and can't wait to see the little one again tomorrow. (it's like a mid-week thankful post:-)

Sunday

Things I'm happy about this week:

1) My dear sweet husband who is really taking this pregnancy stuff to heart.  He even started reading his "Expecatant Father" book last night and telling me all these snipits of info.  So cute!

2) My grandma is moving to a 1st floor apartment.  She currently lives on the 3rd floor and after breaking her pelvis over the summer, the trips up and down the elevator are starting to wear on her.  

3) I'm very happy I haven't had too many bad pregnancy side effects so far (although today I'm not feeling too hot).

4) Celebrated my dad's 59th birthday this week....yikes!!! He's getting old!

5) And lastly, I'm very thankful to have avoided the flu/stomach bug that is going around this town for another week.  I hope no one else I know gets it!! It's really bad!

I don't feel like I'm very good at this yet, but it is nice to have to reflect on the last week to remember the good parts. I think we all need to remember the good parts more than the bad....I know I am one of those people.  

I'm done

I'm so done...with this day, this week, this job. Let me preface this post by saying I'm pregnant and therefore ultimately happy...however....My job is causing me to be on the verge of a major breakdown at the moment. I'm sick of what I do, sick of who I work with, everything. I work in a very small office. There are only 3 of us who work full time. And one part time. The other part time lady had to quit when her husband had a stroke. So needless to say we have a lot of 'together' time. And we have no cubicles, no office doors, so there's no privacy or means to get away. Anyway, one of them has decided she's getting a divorce. Now I realize this is a traumatic experience. But honestly, I don't have any insight into the topic. I don't plan on ever divorcing my husband, who I love dearly. So honestly, I don't care about her issues. What I do care about is the fact that she keeps telling me every damn detail. And she's been on the phone telling everyone she knows everything the guy has said, what she's said back, etc, etc. Do I care? No. Do they? Probably not. Should you be working instead of yakking on the phone? Yes. Am I beyond annoyed at this point? Yes. And then the kicker is the other lady (who I'm starting to think likes this drama) asks if we all want to go to lunch today. I want to scream...NO at the top of my lungs...not a chance in hell. But do I? No. I say ok. Why you ask? Because apparently I like this kind of punishment. I seriously need help. So aside from having to listen to her divorce issues for an hour, I had to stop and get some medication the dr called in before Christmas. I have been there twice and called and talked to someone once and they all swore they'd have it filled....yep, went in again today (for the 3rd time) and the girl said there's nothing in there on my name. I have to get my blood drawn again next week to check the levels again so I don't really want to get a whole new prescription filled b/c it might change. Apparently thyroid issues can change throughout pregnancy. And then I got a call that the blinds for our bedroom that we ordered are no longer available. And yes, we ordered them before Christmas. Why didn't they know then that they weren't available? I don't know. Ugh...I'm so annoyed. Basically I don't think this day could go much worse or much slower. I can't wait to get home and sit my A on the couch and watch tv. I'm not thinking about work or any of this other shit all weekend. I just hope (for my sake) I can keep it together for the next 2 hours. If I can wait til I get home to have a mental breakdown, that would be good!
Happy weekend to the rest of you...hope it is going better than above:-)

7 weeks

Another week gone by! Feels like a long time ago I was posting about 6 weeks. Not much has changed since then. Still tired, hungry and having to pee all the time. Every time I ask for some m/s to remind me that I'm pregnant I get it and then wish I hadn't asked. So I've learned to appreciate the fact that I really don't feel all that bad. Last night I was coughing so hard I gaged and almost threw up, but I think that was just a fluke. I imagine this stuffy nose I am having is also pregnancy related since it doesn't appear to be a cold. Just a stuffy nose....all the time. But overall, I feel good and am feeling blessed. Our next ultrasound is 8 days away, not that I'm counting (haha!), but I can't wait! I don't know what will happen after that. Maybe we'll be released to go see my OB in which case, I don't know when they see patients for their first appointment. All offices are so different! But I'm excited for that too.
My husband seems to be getting more into the idea of a baby. He even brought home a baby name book yesterday! So cute. And he is convinced we will need a new video camera so he's been researching and visiting them frequently. I figure to let him have his fun! He will use it for his golf lessons too, so it wouldn't go to waste! But I'm glad he's getting more into it. It must be hard because he doesn't feel the things I do so he probably doesn't think about it all that much! But we're both very excited!
The one thing we can't seem to agree on is when to tell people. We have had 2 people recently announce their pregnancies, one due in April and one due in June. So he thinks we have to wait til we're a lot closer to August to tell. The one due in April isn't someone we're all that close to, so I think we just didn't get the word til now. The other is around 12 weeks so they probably just had their first ultrasound/appointment. I've been trying to explain to him that after we see the little one twice and everything looks ok, I think we're ok to tell people. I'm not saying I'll be making a grand announcement to everyone I know, but if it comes up I want to say something! Especially to people who sort of know we've had some problems. I guess we'll talk about it next week after the ultrasound. Praying these next 8 days go by fast!!!

So Thankful

I have a lot to be happy/thankful about this week.  

1) First off I'm very thankful that my entire family made it home safely from our trip south.  These days, flying isn't always a walk in the park!  But we all made it home on time and safely.

2) Thankful that my brother found his lost items from the trip.  It's a long story, but basically he lost his wallet with his and his wife's ID, credit cards and money and his cell phone.  My mom just got an email that someone found it and returned it.  They have to wait til tomorrow to see if everything is there, but at least it's something!

3) So excited to visit with friends I haven't seen in a while.  We had a nice dinner on Friday and got to catch up in person.  Much better than email:-)  

4) Had a wonderful vacation with my family.  I'm a little bummed to be home, but overall it was a nice trip.

5) And last but not least we got to see our little baby's heartbeat on Friday.  It was the most wonderful thing in the entire world.  I dream about it, think about it and look at the picture frequently!!  I'm so excited and thankful for this wonderful gift.  I pray that this little one sticks around for the long haul.  And we get to see the little darling again in 11 days!!!  That isn't' too far away!!!  Can't wait!!!

1st picture

Well here's the first picture of the little babcakes.  I realize it doesn't look like much and you can't actually 'see' the heartbeat, but we saw it on the screen and that's all that matters right now.  The actual baby is only around 3mm (between the X's inside the black sac).  

So now you've seen it....now it's time for a nap!!!  

Tiny little heartbeat

Our 6wk ultrasound was today and after a quick phone call from the dr's office our appointment was moved up an hour and a half.  So we wolf down lunch and hurry to GR to make it to the new 1:45 appointment.  And of course we sat and waited in the waiting room for 20+ minutes (another reason I like the kzoo office).  So finally we get called back, go into the room and wait again (briefly).  The dr comes in and makes some stupid jokes about moving the dil.do cam covers (aka condoms).  So he finally gets to business and we see the little sac and the baby and after he tells me to stop breathing so fast, we see the tiny flicker of a heartbeat.  I was holding my breath so we could see it and it was beautiful.  The most wonderful thing I think I've ever seen.  The dr didn't seem to think I was excited enough but I was trying not to cry.  I figured if I said anything the tears would just come out and I don't need to be that kid that cries during an ultrasound.  I mean hell, we've already been there!  So we meet in the conference room and he talks about his kids and their wii fit they got for Christmas or something (sort of weird).  He tells me that everything looks great based on what we saw.  The m/c rate drops from 15% to 5% after you see the heartbeat.  He still thought I should be more excited (again, trying not to cry!)  We got a few pictures and the EDD of 8/26/09 which I had already figured thank you internet.  He gave me some papers of dos and don'ts for pregnancy and we set up an appointment for Jan 15th for our 8wk u/s.  This one is in Kzoo, so that will be helpful!!  I can't wait.  We love you little babycakes and we can't wait to watch you grow and see you again real soon!!!  Until then snuggle in tight and enjoy the next 9 months!!  

Thank you to everyone for the thoughts and prayers, I can't tell you how much it means to me!! 

Nervous for tomorrow....praying for good news and a little flicker of a heartbeat.  Hoping to keep my mind off of it til then.  

Happy New year!  2009 has to be a good year:-)