How many times...

How many times did someone ask me about my child today? More than I care to remember. I coach a U8 girls soccer team. I feel like in a small way it is giving back to my small community. No, I don't have a child on the team, I do it because I love soccer and teaching the girls is so fun and rewarding. I love to see them out running and playing and of course learning the aspect of the game. This is my 5th year doing it, but my first year at U8, I have only done U6 in the past. Some slight differences, but still fun. The kicker this year, I wasn't supposed to be coaching at all. I was taking a break. I was asked b/c they didn't have enough coaches. So even though I knew I was pregnant and couldn't coach in the spring, I said yes. Told my entire team I wouldn't be able to coach in the spring, but then had to take all that back. Thankfully I never told them why! Anyway....today was picture day. All the kids come in their jerseys, we line up and get our pictures taken. The coach always gets a team picture and then a 'buddy' picture with their kid. Well I am pretty sure that EVERY employee of the photography company asked me about my kid and when we were going to do our 'buddy' shot. Seriously if I had to tell one more person that I don't have a child, I was going to lose it. And then as the last person asked and I reiterated one last time about my childless state, one of my little girls looked up at me and asks "You don't have kids? Why not, don't you want any?"...ugh, my heart broke. I just smiled and said I had all my Field Mice (that's our team name) and they were my kids for now. I was so glad we were walking away from the cameras, away from the children, away from all of it. I know someday I'll have a child of my own. I can teach them soccer and help them grow and learn, but tonight was so hard. So many reminders of what I don't have. I do feel good about coaching, and tonight listening to those small, beautiful girls made me know that I truly do want to be a parent. I can't wait!