Negative thoughts

Well, the u/s, trigger, etc starts tomorrow. I have the worst feeling about all of this. I don't know why. I just do. The previous spotting is the main reason I'm feeling this way. I'm afraid I screwed up and missed the window of opportunity this cycle. If the weird spotting happens again I will have to seriously think about our future plans for trying. I just want a baby. I'm sick of trying. Why do they tell you in the 5th grade that it's so easy when obviously it's not. I know I am sulking and feeling sorry for myself, but I don't care. I deserve to feel this way now and again. I have too much stress from other things, I can't be strong anymore.
My mom is coming home from California tonight. I'm glad about that. The 3 hour time difference made it impossible to chat. Every time we'd call one another, we were busy doing something. My brother got to stay for another few days and go to LA to visit a friend and our cousin. I'm so jealous. To be 21 again and be able to stay in Southern CA, just because...must be nice.
Riley (my parents dog) has been sick and she had surgery yesterday. This sounds like a non-issue, but if something would have happened to that dog my dad would have to be committed! Thankfully she came through just fine. They found some bladder stones and scraped her bladder out (similar to a D&C) so hopefully she'll start to feel better soon!
And work...always a stress! It's busy since the previously pregnant girl quit. And some days I don't have it in me to get through the day.
I read these blogs of other women who have been through SO MUCH more than me and I think I must be the biggest baby ever. I have a good life, a great husband, job, house all that. I should be happy. Hopefully I'll have a better attitude about it all tomorrow. It seems that these moods change by the day. So I'll continue to have a blah night, knowing tomorrow will be better!