My so called life

Last Post

2010-04-30T21:45:00.000-04:00

This is Suzanne, Amanda's friend, writing on her behalf.
Amanda suffered a stroke late last week. She passed away on April 24, 2010.
There was a beautiful article written in the local paper. You can find it here.
Amanda's closest friends and I know that some of you are loyal followers and know that she posts pretty regularly. We knew that you would want to know what happened and help in any way you could.
You can go here and read her life story. Along with her life story, you will find a memory page, guest book, and contributions page. There you will find how to contribute to Patrick's future education fund.
Thank you for following Amanda's road to motherhood. I know that she found some comfort in sharing in others' long & difficult journeys.
Please pray for Amanda's family in the coming weeks & months.

There's a lot going on...

2010-04-06T17:13:00.000-04:00

The last few weeks have been a bit of a blur....so here's the story in a nutshell.

I have been having some digestive issues since December. I finally decided to get it checked out since it wasn't getting better or going away. After an appointment with my internist and a referral to a GI doc I finally had a colonoscopy (YUCK!!) and it was determined I have crohn's disease. Not too happy with this diagnosis although it could be worse. So they put me on some medication and told me to come back in 30 days. Apparently this is a common protocol for this issue, but it seems odd to me to put someone on medication and not see them for 30 days. Anyway, I get the drugs and read through the paperwork from the pharmacy. One says absolutely do not breastfeed while taking this medication and the other says there have been no tests done so probably not a good idea to BF while taking this med. So I call the GI doc and the nurse tells me that there are no other options and I have to make the decision to either quit breastfeeding or not take the meds. But that I need the meds if I want to get better. So I call my internist. Get the same info. Call my brother who's 2 months away from being an MD. Get the same info. So after several days of serious discussions with my husband and some soul searching, we have decided that our time with breastfeeding is over. I can't put this off any longer. I need to start feeling better so I can be a better mom. So this week we are working on weaning to formula. Patrick already gets a bottle of pumped milk and apparently that is half the battle. So for right now we're only nursing once a day and he's getting 3/4 bm to 1/4 formula for every other bottle. I'm still pumping in the morning and night but have cut out 2 feedings. I figure in another day or so I will quit the nursing session and then slowly cut out the pumping. I may be uncomfortable for a day or so, but I hope to be completely done this weekend so I can start my treatment. It sounds like a horrible treatment but at least it's only for 30 days. And from what I read I should start to feel better in 3-5 days.

This has been a very rough transition for me. I didn't think I cared that much about breastfeeding. I just did it because that's what I thought I was supposed to do. I didn't have an aversion to formula feeding or a love for breastfeeding. But I have come to enjoy bf-ing and like that time with my baby. There have been a lot of tears over the last few weeks, but I have to keep reminding myself that I'm doing the right thing. I need to take care of myself if I want to take care of my baby. I think my biggest battle is other people. Everyone seems to think I'm being silly about all this. That it's not that big of deal. While I understand that many babies are formula fed, that is not my issue. I am not worried he will be malnurished or not get what he needs. I just know I will miss the time I have with him. And of course with all our previous issues getting pregnant I think about our future children. Will we have any? Maybe I won't be able to BF for some other reason. I can't imagine there is that much time to devote to it with another little one running around. So essentially I'm just not ready to give this up just yet. But I'm sure in a week or two it will all be second nature and we'll be all back to normal. One can hope:-)

Happy Birthday

2010-03-31T20:18:00.000-04:00

to me:-) The big 3-0 this year! I just know it's going to be a great one! Can't wait to spend it with my boys!

Finally 7 months

2010-03-28T12:34:00.000-04:00

The last month flew by. All of a sudden we're at the end of March, Dean's back at work and spring is right around the corner! And Patrick is growing and learning everyday. Here's what we're up to now!

~ Sitting up! It has taken some practice but he's finally able to sit up on his own for short periods of time. He does better when he has a toy or something to focus on.

~ He still loves standing up. He's even learning that if he pulls up on our hands he can go from laying to sitting to standing.

~ He has milk 5 times a day. It varies based on what time he gets up but he has 2-3 bottles (5-6 oz) and then nurses the other 2-3 times.

~ We're starting to do solids/purees 3 times a day. He still isn't interested in finger foods. Maybe in a few weeks.

~ He's finally into some of his 6 month sized clohes. And I think ALL the 3 month sizes are too small.

~ Still only has 2 teeth

~ Loves reading, singing and watching us dance around for him. He loves to laugh and smile. Usually only fusses when he's tired or when he wants attention.

His little personality is starting to shine through. He's been going to work with Dean in the mornings and then I pick him up at noon. So that gives us a few more opportunities to get out and do some things. He loves all the activity. Loves looking at all the people, smiling and flirting with all the old ladies! So cute. Since it has all been going pretty well I decided that we should go shopping yesterday. It had been a rough week so I thought a little retail therapy would be good. My mom and I went to lunch, which went fine. Shopping however not so much. First there were no carts. So I was carrying him which resulted in a leaking diaper. All over him and all over me. So we went back to the car and I changed him. I decided it was best if I just gave up and we waited in the car for my mom. He fell asleep and actually took a good nap. I was disappointed but I think this just teaches me that I need to go out more often so I can get better at it. Every time is a learning experience. So hopefully at some point I won't be so nervous taking him out!

Naptime is probably almost over so I'd better get busy doing a few things. Both Patrick and I aren't feeling well today so it may not be that productive of a day. Oh well...hopefully this week we'll get everything done because we're having a surprise party for my mom on Saturday...wish me luck! I'm nervous about it and not sure if I'll get it all done!!!

The week from hell and 7 months

2010-03-25T13:01:00.000-04:00

Updates soon I promise!
Until then....my happy boy!

The devil

2010-03-18T20:04:00.000-04:00

Day light saving time that is...ugh this week has been awful. I'm exhausted, despite getting a full night sleep every night) and Patrick has decided that his bedtime routine is no longer what he wants. It takes so much longer to get him to sleep and to stay asleep. I don't know if it's because it's light out now at bedtime? Or if it's because of the time? He is back to sleeping later so he's not melting down at 6:30 like he was. So we're letting him/keeping him up later (by later I mean all of 30 minutes or so). He's still in bed by 7:30. But tonight it took 20 minutes to get him to sleep...what used to take all of 5. Just frustrating. And the sleeping in? Great right? Except that I just know that he'll be up super early on Saturday when I want to sleep in...oh well.

And in other news....we have our 1st case of the missing toy. And I can't even blame Patrick because he can't move them anywhere yet! I don't even really care about the toy, but somehow it crossed my mind and now it's driving me CRAZY! Oh well...I'm on the search for some new toys anyway. I think he's bored with the ones we have. I got one today at Target, but I'm not in love with it. I will keep looking for a few other things here and there. I'm sure it won't be long and he'll have out grown these little teether/rattle toys anyway.

Ok, let the evening begin. Thank gosh it's Friday tomorrow!!!

Today I cried

2010-03-15T18:10:00.000-04:00

I cried for me, for my baby, for everything and nothing all in one.

I heard back from the daycare. The short story is that we aren't going to be able to do 'part time' daycare. They only consider 8-12 part time. We just need more than that. So for 5 days a week at the full time rate I will be taking home about $20/pay period. Not even enough to fill my gas tank. So I will be working for health care. Which I realize is a lot, but it doesn't buy food for my table.

I cried for my baby. I don't want him to feel like I'm leaving him with some stranger. I don't want him to get sick. I just don't want to do this.

I cried for me. I don't want to have to be worried about my baby all day while I'm at work. I don't want to have to feel like I'm working for nothing.

I already feel like I'm not a good enough mother, wife, friend, employee, daughter. I feel like I give everything I can to Patrick but after that there isn't enough left for the rest. I'm tired at night so we sit in front of the tv or news paper and hardly talk much less anything else. I don't feel like talking on the phone. I haven't talked to good friends in weeks and owe several people a phone call back. I do my job but feel like I need to be spending more time there. And I know my mom needs help but I just haven't offered up my help like I used to.

So there you have it. Today I cried.

Cranky baby syndrome

2010-03-07T21:24:00.000-05:00

That is what was going on around here this weekend. Patrick wanted no one but mommy. If I was in sight but not holding him, he was crying. Sometimes even if I was holding him he was crying. I made sure he was fed, warm, changed and he was still not happy. I checked his head for fever, checked his mouth for teeth and all was fine. I think he was just crabby. Poor little boy. Hopefully tomorrow is better for him!

6 month well baby visit

2010-03-05T14:39:00.000-05:00

I swear I'm going to get better at posting, but when Patrick only sleeps for 30 minutes at a time...I run out of computer time. And to be quite honest I'm too tired at night to care!

Anyway, while he's still happy in there...the stat were good at the doctor. He weighs 13 lbs, 10 oz (3rd %), is 25 inches long (10th%) and head circumfrence is 17.5" (75%). So he's still on the small side but he's growing on his own curve so the doc isn't concerned. He gave us a few things to look for/work towards for the 9 month appointment. He wants to see him starting to eat finger foods, sitting up unassisted and pulling himself up to standing by then. All of which I think he will do fine.

Ok. Naptimes over. I would promise more updates later...but we all know how that will go:-)

6 Months Old

2010-03-02T21:32:00.000-05:00

So I'm a little late on this one....but the little guy is 6 months old. We are heading to his 6 month appt. tomorrow. Here's the latest...
~ Sleep - still going well. He naps 2-3 times a day for about 30 minutes each. He's even been napping in his crib which is a step in the right direction. Nightime sleep continues to go well. He's even been going down a little earlier than normal. And about 2 weeks ago started waking up between 6 and 6:30 instead of 8 or 8:30 (hence the 3 naps a day!) But he wakes up happy so that's about all we can ask for. Last Saturday he laid in his crib playing and singing for an hour! No crying, no fussing, just playing.
~ Eating - He's nursing/gets a bottle about 5 times a day. And gets a stage 2 fruit in the morning and veggie in the afternoon. He still loves all the food we've tried so far. Since he's been waking up earlier in the morning I haven't been pumping which has made it difficult to get much to freeze. I'm worried my supply is starting to drop but hopefully it's just a little bump. I will keep up with the water and try to eat a little better in hopes it can keep up. He's still only getting around 6 oz in each bottle but he seems ok with that. I plan on asking the doctor tomorrow what his recommendations are for increasing solids and moving onto finger foods.
~ Play - Patrick loves to play with his toys. He would prefer if we were playing with him though. He's finally decided he likes his exersaucer (for a limited amount of time). He can move it around and play with all the toys. He still likes his playmat. And he's has figured out he can pick up something that he wants. He will stare at a toy so intensly until we bring him to it so he can pick it up.
Other noteworthy things ~
~ He loves to stand up.
~ He is learning to sit up unassisted. He doesn't quite have it yet, but we're getting there
~ He's getting really good at grabbing at things (toys, glasses, hair, etc)
~ We went out to dinner the other night and he did great. He isn't too happy to be left in his carseat anymore, so that makes for an interesting meal. But he was happy and did really well
~ He came to work with me yesterday for a while. Not something I would want to do on a regular basis, but it went ok.
~ The drool is back! If the past is any indication, there may be some more teeth coming soon!
~ He is starting to develop some mommy separation anxiety. And as much as I think this is so sweet, it's also heartbreaking. Now that he's awake when I leave for work, it makes it really hard when he's crying!! But it's so sweet when I come home and he reaches for me!

That's about all for the 6 month update. I'm sure there is more but for right now that's all I can remember. I'll try to update tomorrow after the appointment. Here's hoping for some good weight gain (we think there will be, we've been tracking it at home), easy shots and a happy baby!

The touch of a baby

2010-02-24T19:30:00.000-05:00

There is nothing sweeter than the touch of a baby. Patrick has discovered our faces. He loves to pat our noses, put his fingers on our lips and of course grab at glasses and hair. He is learning with every touch, pull and grab. Usually I set him straight. Pull his hand away and say no pulling, no grabbing, no glasses. But at night it's a different kind of touch. We have our night time bottle, get ready for bed and say our good nights the same way everynight. We head upstairs, turn off the light and sit in the rocking chair and cuddle up. He cuddles his face into the crook of my arm and reaches up and lays his hand on my cheek almost as to say good night, I love you mom. It brings tears to my eyes as he pulls his sweet hand back to his body, closes his eyes and drifts off to sleep. I love my boy. More than words can express.

Baby's Schedule

2010-02-23T11:00:00.000-05:00

Since August everyone asks about the baby's schedule. How does he eat? Is he sleeping? A lot? In his own room? Does he roll, have teeth, etc. etc. And of course we answer these questions smiling from ear to ear, as any proud new parents would. And as soon as the words are out of our mouth, we hear "that's great, as soon as you get a schedule he'll change it on you"....what? Why do people insist on taking away your good news by telling you it won't last? And for the last 6 months we've just had a few weeks of waking up in the middle of the night, or issues eating but for the most part Patrick put himself on a schedule and he stuck to it. Until now...he's decided that an acceptable time to wake up is 6 am. Not the usually 8 or 8:30. I don't mind during the week. I have to get up to pump and get ready for work anyway, but on the weekend??? Um, no thanks. I'll take 8am any day! So I guess all those peeps were right...his schedule finally changed! Now the question is will it change back??

Snap out of it

2010-02-19T15:24:00.000-05:00

That is exactly what I need to do. I've been in a craptasic mood all week. I am still getting over this cold, which isn't making me feel much better. I feel like my schedule right now sucks. I have all this time but yet I feel like I am always rushing. And I keep thinking in another couple of weeks it will be different, in a another couple of months it will be different...but I've been saying that since August. And yes, things change over the weeks and months but now it's time for ME to change. It might take a while, but this is my first step. Admitting it. Now it's time to work on the plan....just not sure what that plan should be yet. But I know that to be the best mother I can be, I need to do something!!

Illness, teeth and the last week

2010-02-15T14:54:00.000-05:00

I have been wanting to update....but many things have kept me from it.
First, illness. Daddy came home with a cold from Orlando. I was diligent about washing hands, keeping everything clean, etc.etc., and of course just when I thought we were out of the woods...boom. I get sick. At first I thought it was just a cough, but it turned into a full blown cold. Awful! I wasn't sick the entire time I was pregnant with Patrick so I think I had it coming. I'm still stuffed up and coughing but I feel much better. And despite all our efforts, Patrick is coughing and a little stuffy too. I'm hoping it doesn't develop into much more than that!
Teeth...we have 2! Two cute little bottom teeth poking through. They didn't seem to bother him much. But on top of the cold, he was extra cuddly. Any mommy loves that! He's so cute. He throws his arms around us like he's giving a big bear hug. I know he doesn't really know what he's doing, but it's the sweetest thing in the world! Being sick and having sore gums are no fun, but I'll take the extra cuddles anyday!
So here we are at the start of a new week. Looking down the barrel at March, and as everyone keeps reminding me, golf season. And golf season means daddy goes back to work and Patrick goes to daycare. I was ok going back to work when I knew he would be at home. But for some reason this is hitting me harder than I thought. I think part of it is trying to figure out the logistics. Dean doesn't have a set schedule. So we need to decide if we are going to have me take him and pick him up everyday? Which leaves no time for me to do anything before/after work (gym, grocery store, lunch etc) or to try to figure out if Dean can take him and I pick him up later. Or just how it might work. He keeps talking about sending him to daycare but everytime I bring it up to talk about how we're going to do it, he won't talk. It's frustrating. I don't know if I'm just supposed to figure it out on my own? Or if he thinks that miraculously one of us is going to be able to stay home or what. But it's frustrating. Maybe I'll try the discussion again this week.
I can see I need to update more...I feel bad having all this stuff in one post, but just one more thing...prayers. I need some prayers for a few good friends going through a rough spot. Two medical situations, one husband leaving for a year and a job issue. I don't really feel it's my place to go into these in detail, but if you have any extra prayers...I know a few people who could use them right now. I know my list is getting longer and those prayers are being said everyday!

Teeth??

2010-02-10T14:39:00.000-05:00

Yep that's right....1 pearly white tooth breaking through his soft pink gums. Doesn't that sound awful? No wonder he's been a little clingy and fussy. Baby Tylenol did wonders last night and his slight fever is gone today. So with one poking through, I'm sure there are more to follow. I can actually see the one right next to it, so it won't be long now!

P.S. Where's my spell check? I am an educated girl...but I need spell check! haha!

Weight check

2010-02-06T15:35:00.002-05:00

We had a quick appointment on Thursday to check Patricks weight....and I'm happy to report he's up to 12 pounds 12 ounces! YAY!!! He gained almost a pound. The doctor was happy with that weight and said to keep doing what we're doing. He checked out a few more things and Patrick wowed him with his rolling ability and then we were on our way. It's such a relief to leave the doctor's office feeling like we're doing something right. I love our doctor! He always makes us feel like we're doing right by our boy! We go back in another month for his 6 month appointment. At which the doctor said he'll probably have teeth because (and I quote) he's a 'drool bucket'! haha!! I failed to mention he's been drooling like that for months! I guess we'll see. So that's the latest with the boy!

Cancer sucks

2010-02-06T15:16:00.002-05:00

Things with my mom's chemo were going ok. She had some growth on her last scans, but not enough to be too concerned about. The treatment is going ok, same laundry list of side effects, but she tolerates it ok. The drive to Detroit every 3rd week is getting tiresome for both of them. But the drug seemed to be working. Seemed to be doing what it is supposed to be doing. Thursday at her appointment, she was kicked off her study. Apparently the drug company didn't agree with how they read the report. And after several phone calls, re-reads, and discussions with the lead doctor on the study, they are not willing to jeopardize the study results and leave her on it. CRAP. So now it's back to square one. She will do a few treatments here with her old cancer center and wait for another study to open up. They are pretty certain she will qualify for one with no problem. My mom takes everything so well. Just keeps on truckin' and never lets on that this is a big deal....but this is a BIG deal. What if she doesn't qualify for a new study? What if there's nothing new out there for her to try? The old treatment wasn't as effective as it was when she started it. There are other drugs out there but they make her incredibly sick. Needless to say the last 15 months have been a blessing. It was great she was accepted to the study. Great they kept the growth at bay for so long. Great that the side effects weren't that bad. We all knew this was coming eventually, but were hoping it would last a little longer. So for now we wait. Wait for something new. Something better. And hope in the meantime she can continue to do as well as she has in the last 15 months!

Single parenting

2010-01-31T08:44:00.002-05:00

It's not what I thought it would be like. It's easier at the times I thought it would be the hardest. It's hardest at times I am not expecting it to be. Needless to say, I don't think I'm cut out for it and I can't wait until Tuesday! Patrick has been so good this weekend. He got himself overtired yesterday and had a meltdown before bed. But as soon as bedtime rolled around he went right to sleep. And he's been getting up an hour earlier than normal (which is still 7:30 so not too early) but I'm not sure why. But he wakes up happy and that's all I can ask for. We've kept ourselves busy but being in this big empty house all night is lonely! We're headed to my parents today for a while this afternoon. Hopefully that will break up the day. And I have to go to work tomorrow. I guess I'd better get busy doing housework. Apparently when I'm the only one here I don't feel the need to clean as much...so this house needs it!!!

The future

2010-01-29T20:40:00.002-05:00

As I was putting Patrick to bed tonight, looking down at his sweet, sleeping face, I couldn't help but think about the future. What will bedtime be like this summer? In a year? Two years? I just can't picture us with a toddler. I can't picture Patrick walking, talking and growing up....why is that? Is that normal? And honestly our days blur together. They are over as quick as they start it seems so I don't have much time to think about all this. But tonight I'm a single parent. Daddy is in Orlando and I have the house and evening to myself and apparently this is where my thoughts are going. I love my sweet baby and that love grows everyday...and I know that means he is growing with it.

Couple more things...

2010-01-28T08:16:00.003-05:00

A few things I forgot yesterday....

~ A new favorite pastime is standing up. He loves to hold our hands and stand up. He likes to look around and watch what's going on.

~ He loves to watch the cats. It's like he just started noticing they are around. They usually hide out during the day when he's awake.

~ He is learning to take toys from us. He focuses really hard on it and then snatches it up and puts it right in his mouth. Even if he's crying!

~ He has learned a little separation anxiety. He totally knows when we leave the room!!

Ok I think that's about all...again:-) I think of all these things I want to remember but don't get around to posting them. I guess some things take priority and this isn't always one of them!

22 weeks old - 5 month update

2010-01-27T15:23:00.003-05:00

I really can't believe it's been 22 weeks since birthed our sweet boy. Really? 22 weeks? Crazy!

Latest updates:
~ Food - still loves it. We've had peas, sweet potatoes, bananas, applesauce and peaches. So far all are a hit except the peas. They take a little work! We're trying squash this week. Hopefully it goes well.

~ Sleep - still going well. He naps 2-3 times a day (usually 2) for 30-45 minutes each. Although yesterday he shocked me and slept for 2 hours in the afternoon! He's pretty good about going to sleep around 7:30 and sleeping til 8 or 8:30 in the morning.

~ Nursing - going well. He has 1 or 2 bottles while I'm at work and then nurses 3-4 times before bed. So far I haven't had any issues with my supply. The only time I notice anything out of the ordinary is if I haven't had enough water to drink! So I'm working on keeping that up!

~ Schedule - still about the same. I have hopes it will stay this way for a while.

~ Weight - from what we can tell he hasn't really gained since his 4 month appointment. We have a follow up next week. I don't know what they'll do if he doesn't gain much or any weight. He eats fine, doesn't spit up that much and doesn't seem to have any diaper issues (i.e. diarrhea or the like). He seems like a healthy baby to us, so I'm hoping they'll just keep an eye on it.

In other comings and goings around our house, Daddy is headed to the PGA show in Orlando tomorrow. My first time at single parenthood. I took Friday off work, having lunch with a friend on Saturday and probably spending some time at my parents over the weekend. I'm sure it will be fine, but I'm a little nervous about being alone for 5 days with Patrick!! Wish me luck!
I am almost down to my pre pregnancy weight (which for the record was 10 pounds heaver than my pre TTC weight) so I have a ways to go. I kept hoping that nursing would help move that along but so far it doesn't seem to be. I'm trying to watch what I eat and cut out the crappy snacks that seem to sneak up in the afternoon. Maybe that will help. Along with getting my rear back in the gym! We're still debating the day care situation. Trying to figure out when we need it and how frequently. I think we'll have to make an appointment to discuss our needs and see what they say. To say I'm not looking forward to it would be an understatement!!! I hope to have it ironed out in the next month or so. And lastly I got my car back today!!! After almost 8 weeks in the shop after what I would consider a small fender bender, it's finally fixed and back in my garage! Now let's just keep it that way!!

Other than that we're all just anxiously awaiting some warm weather. We had a little tease over the weekend at almost 50*. I can't wait to go strolling through the neighborhood with Patrick, and throw open the windows and let the sunshine come flowing in!

5 Months old

2010-01-25T21:55:00.001-05:00

Happy 5 months sweet Patrick...

Updates tomorrow...now it's time for bed!!

Catching up

2010-01-18T14:38:00.002-05:00

I feel like I'm getting behind on Patrick's activities...if you can call them that!

First...food...he LOVES it! We started 2 weeks ago on 'solids'. And from first bite, he was in love. He opens his mouth as soon as he sees the spoon and gets so mad when we're done. Apparently I've been starving the kid all along! We're starting with stage 1 right now. The doctor said to skip the cereal and oatmeal. We've had bananas, sweet potatoes and peaches so far. All a big hit. We did a half of container at first, but realized real quick that he wanted more. After a week of just 1 container, once a day, we moved onto 2 containers twice a day. We'll see how that goes. I am hoping to get a better feeding schedule down in the next few weeks but I feel like there aren't enough hours in the day to get that much food in him. Here's his schedule in a nutshell
8:00-9:00 am get up, have 5 oz breastmilk in a bottle (or nurse on the weekends)
10:30 - quick cat nap (usually 30 minutes)
12:00 - 5 oz of breastmik in a bottle if I am not home yet or nurse if I come straight home from work
2:00 - another quick cat nap (usually 30-45 minutes)
3:00 -4 - nurse
4:00-5 - 1 container of food
5:00-6 - nurse
7:15 - 5 oz. bottle and then bed

So we are trying to put the extra container of food in before the morning nap. And I'm only nursing him again so quickly at 5pm because I feel like he hasn't nursed enough throughout the day. This is a huge improvement from eating every 2 hours. I know all babies are different, I'm just hoping he starts putting on some weight soon!!

Second - rolling over - he's getting pretty good at it now. He almost always rolls himself over in his sleep and wakes up on his belly. I'm thinking his is helping him sleep better at night. He can't flinch and wake himself up! We are still working on rolling back over. If he gets tired of being on his belly, he just gets mad and then forgets he can roll back over! And we're working on sitting up and standing up. He likes standing, but not sitting.

Third - sleep - it's going MUCH better! He wakes up if he has a problem (i.e. wet through is diaper or something) but for the most part is back to sleeping all night. And we are forcing 2 naps a day even if they are only 20-30 minutes. The doctor said as long as he's getting 10 hours at night, not to worry about it. But it gives us a few minutes during the day to regroup! And he isn't near as fussy in the evenings as he was with no naps. He must be tired, he falls asleep almost every time. It does take a little rocking and the vacuum sometimes, but whatever works:-)

And lastly - Patrick's mom and dad - we're doing pretty good with the routine we have going. I'm gone in the mornings until noon usually. I've been taking 2 days a week to go to the gym after work so then I get home a little after 1. I enjoy the time at the gym, so I'm glad to be able to put that back into the schedule! And Dean goes and does his errands and work stuff in the afternoons. So it works out for both. I wish it could stay this way and we could leave day care out of the scenario, but I don't think that's an option. We still have a few months to figure it out.
Originally (before Patrick was born) I was pretty sure I wanted to start trying again right away for a second baby. Knowing how long it took this time, knowing our ages, etc, etc, I didn't want to wait until it was too late. But now that we're in the throws of parenthood....I just don't know. My period came back in early December. It was two weeks late (according to pre baby calculations) and I freaked out. Leading me to believe that NO, I am not ready for another baby. Maybe in a few months. I know breastfeeding can alter a lot when it comes to cycles and timing and all that. So for a while we'll be a little more careful;)

Hopefully this catches me up on everything. I'm going to try to get a little better at posting. I hope to use this as a reference the 2nd time around...so I need to get better about my information!!

Operation Turn the tv off!

2010-01-13T15:17:00.002-05:00

Patrick is so interested in the tv. If it's on, he's looking at it. And when you're home alone with just a baby what is usually on in the background? The TV. So Saturday I was home alone for a while so I decided to leave it off. Patrick seemed so much calmer and even took an hour and a half nap in the afternoon! Now I realize this could be coincidence, but we've decided to try to leave the tv off a little more. Now we turn it on for the nightly news and the early morning shows and that's about it. I don't know that it has helped the naps this week, but it's nice not to have it constantly blaring at us. It's more fun to play and listen to music anyway:-)

Disclaimer -- We don't just sit in front of the tv when it's on...but it is in our living room where we hang out for a majority of the day!

Back to it

2010-01-09T13:17:00.002-05:00

I headed back to the gym today....(insert cheers here!) I froze my membership until Dec 1 when I thought I would be in enough of a routine to go back and hopefully lose some weight before Florida....um, yeah that didn't happen. And I got my January bill and they raised the rates again. So I decided I either need to get my tail there or cancel the membership. I've always liked going. It's clean and well maintained. They have the equipment and classes I like. So despite the rate hike I am going to give it another month or two and see how it goes. Right now, I will be happy going 3 days a week. If I can go Saturday mornings, and then Tuesday and Thursday after work, that should be good. I just need to remind myself that although I'm not at home with my baby, being in better shape and doing what's best for my health is also what is best for Patrick. I want to be able to run and play with him in a few months...so this is what has to be done. And maybe in a few months the weather will break and we can head outside for stroller rides and fun outdoors too.

Happy Saturday!

Who needs sleep?

2010-01-07T20:36:00.002-05:00

Have you heard the song??
Who needs sleep?
Well your never gonna get it.
Who needs sleep?
Tell me what's that for?
Who needs sleep?
Be happy with what you're getting...

Well in our world apparently no one needs sleep. This sweet baby has gone from sleeping 12-13 hours a night to waking up several times a night. Tuesday night he was up from 11 til 4am...needless to say I didn't go to work on Wednesday. And the worst part is, he doesn't take a nap during the day. So there's no rest for the weary around here.

In other news, per the doctor, he's started on stage 1 foods. He doc gave us free reign on what to pick, so we went with bananas. He seems to like them. Though not much actually goes down his throat. But we'll keep working on it. Hopefully it will help him gain a little weight.

And he's gotten really good at turning over. Now he'll just hang out on his stomach looking around. Before when we made him lay on his stomach he'd fuss and scream til we finally picked him up. This is much better for everyone:)

And just when I thought my supply was starting to tank, I have been quite the milk producer these days. On that note, I need to go pump and get my rear in bed. Even though I'd rather be watching Colt McCoy and the Texas Longhorns....why do they have to play so late and on a weeknight???

Who's out there?

2010-01-06T14:59:00.003-05:00

So I found this on another blog and now I'm curious too....who's out there reading? It's International Blog Delurking Week. So if you're out there reading, leave a comment and let me know how you found this blog and where you're from! I know my life isn't always exciting and I mostly keep this so I don't forget but it would be fun to know who I'm sharing these stories with.

4 month appointment

2010-01-05T09:01:00.004-05:00

Patrick had his 4 month appointment and shots yesterday. I swear he knew they were coming...he cried almost the entire time the doctor was in there!

His stats this time were not the greatest. Weight was 11 pounds, 12.5 oz (only 5 oz up from the 2 month appointment) and in the 3%, height was 24 inches (10-25%) and head circumference was 16.75 (75%). So he is skinny with a big head! I was concerned about the weight, we've been sort of monitoring it at home and I knew he hadn't gained that much...heck he's still wearing some 0-3 month clothes!! The doctor said he's not worried about it yet, but that he wants to see us back in 1 month for a weight check. And he wants us to start food in the next week or so. I don't think he's ready for it. I don't have a good reason other than I just don't think he is. But we'll try it out and see. He said to just skip the cereal and pick a food for a few days. So I'll head to the store this week and see what I can find. I think we'll start this weekend when we're both home all day.

After the appointment we had a few errands to run and thankfully Patrick slept in his seat the entire time. We decided to get H1.N1 shots after talking to the doctor about them again. And even though this is probably not the way things go, we dropped by a day care center near our house. I've been talking about calling there for weeks now but keep putting it off. Thinking and hoping that something in our situation is going to change and we won't need a daycare center this spring. But as far as I can tell that isn't going to happen. The place was nice. I always sort of turned my nose up at it because it's in a little strip mall basically in the middle of nothing. But I have/had nothing to compare it to before I went to visit. They have a lock system in place where you have to have a code to get in. All the rooms are open with half walls so the director can see and hear everything that is going on in the entire center. She took us in the baby room and told us all about the place. It looked nice. All the kids seemed happy. And she knew ALL of their names. I was impressed. They have curriculum for all the rooms, even the infant room. So it's like a preschool too. And it has come recommended to us by 2 people and I saw 2 other people I know come in to pick up kids while we were standing there. So she gave us the tour, handed us the handbook, put Patrick on the list for March or April and sent us on our way. While I know he would be in good hands there and we learned a lot in our 20 minutes talking to her, I couldn't help but feel a little sick to my stomach as we walked out the doors. Leaving my baby....even at 6 or 7 months....is just too much for me to think about. I know this is inevitable but with the lack of sleep, period hormones starting to rage and coming down off the vacation high, it is just too much. We have a lot to figure out and a lot to decide on. We'll have to get our schedule together and make an appointment to go back in and talk to her again. This sounds easy I know, but trying to get my husband to figure out the future is not easy. I think I'm going to give it a few days (and hopefully get a few full nights sleep under our belts) and bring it up again.

And with that I'm off to pump and hopefully go to bed early. Praying for a good night!

Another Monday?

2010-01-04T10:57:00.003-05:00

Patrick had another rough night. Up for a while around midnight and then again at 5. I ended up sleeping with him in the living room for a while and then Dean didn't come get me when my alarm went off so I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to get ready this morning. I have never wished more that I didn't work for my family so I could be a stay at home mom. I didn't think coming back after vacation and holidays would be so hard...ugh.

Anyway, doctor appointment this afternoon....hoping it goes well! Updates later.

Does it count?

2010-01-03T20:17:00.002-05:00

If Patrick rolled over for the first time (from back to front) in a fit of rage? He's been so close for the last week or so but can't seem to get his head off the ground to finish the job. And tonight while he was screaming bloody murder, he did it. Sort of funny. I know he will be doing it on a regular basis before too long!!

I want to do a new years post and we're going to his 4 month appointment tomorrow afternoon. Hopefully I'll have time to do both of those soon!!

Loving vacation

2009-12-29T21:35:00.003-05:00

We are loving vacation!!! Patrick is doing great! I think it's helping us feel more comfortable taking him places and not being so nervous! And he seems to love being on vacation! He must be a beach baby just like his momma!!!

Merry Christmas and happy 4 months

2009-12-25T18:08:00.001-05:00

I started this on my phone the other day and it wouldn't let me type anything. So here we are a few days late. Our Christmas was spent in route to Florida. Patrick did fantastic on the drive and flight. Only a few minutes of tears on the plane. And he slept so well Friday night. Poor little guy was so tired!! So far he's enjoying our beach vacation. Sleeping in the stroller or baby bjorn as we walk the beach is a favorite pastime. And hopefully the weather will cooperate and stay nice!! I'm sure the rest of the week will fly by!!

Christmas eve was spent with the in laws. I don't even know where to start with them so I won't. I swear they get weirder and weirder every time they come over!

And Patrick is 4 months old!! He goes back to the doctor a week from tomorrow. I'm curious about his weight. He still is wearing some 0-3 months clothes but mostly 3 months. Some 3-6 months, but not many. So he has a limited wardrobe right now. He has started grabbing things and putting them in his mouth (mostly toys and wash cloths). And he has learned how to grab the handle on the pacifier and take it out and sometimes get it back in. And he LOVES to suck on his hands!! He'll even suck on my hands or arms if his mouth is close enough to them.
Sleeping continues to baffle us. Some nights he goes to bed really easy and sleeps all night and other nights he seems like he'll never fall asleep or he wakes up once or twice. I realize we are very lucky. He mostly sleeps all night or only wakes up once. And when he does sleep all night its 12-13 hours, but I hate guessing what the night will bring. So far on our trip he's done really well (knock on wood). I hope it continues!!!
He's getting really good at sitting up and holding his head up. He loves to sit on our laps and look at books or the tv or other people. He doesn't seem to like to be facing us anymore. Apparently we're too boring. But he seems to really enjoy looking at books. A few weeks ago he wouldn't really tolerate them for very long. But his attention span is getting longer and longer.
In my mind I always assumed he'd start on solid foods right after we got back from Florida since he'd be 4 months old. But the more I read about it, I don't think he's ready. He does seem more interested in what we're doing when we're eating, but I don't think he's interested enough to sit up on his own and eat from a spoon. And the last thing I read said that once the baby doubles their birth weight, they are ready. He's no where near doubling his birth weight. So I think we'll lean towards waiting until 6 months or so. He's still nursing every 2-3 hours but my supply is fine and he seems to be getting all he needs. So I don't want to mess with that yet. And he'll be 6 months before we know it! I will ask the doctor what they recommend though.
He seems to have a little separation anxiety starting. I'm not sure if that is because one of us is always around or if that is just an age thing. But if we leave his line of sight, he starts fussing. We are trying to not hold him or carry him around all day to avoid what we affectionately call 'lap colic' but it's hard! Working in the morning and then being home with him in the afternoon, you'd think I'd have plenty of time to get stuff done, but that doesn't seem to be the case! Some days I feel like I get nothing done!!! But I also know that he will only be this age once and if I don't get the floors vacuumed or kitchen cleaned up, who cares. I get to spend time with my baby and that is all that matters!!! And I'm thankful that I'm able to do it!
Overall he's growing well and learning everyday. He's a great baby and a wonderful addition to our family!! We fall more and more in love with him everyday!!! Who knew being parents would be this amazing!!!

Busy busy

2009-12-19T21:44:00.002-05:00

Christmas is coming...less than a week away! Means we have too much to do! Work was busy last week. I have friends coming for a visit tomorrow. Meeting up with out of town friends on Tuesday, Christmas with the in-laws at some point, and Florida on Friday. I spent today re-arranging my kitchen cabinets. Why? I don't know. I should have been cleaning for guests, baking cookies, packing, resting....anything but that. But at least it's done and I feel better about it. I have a little more cleaning to do for tomorrow. I will start packing probably Wednesday. I'm off Thursday so I can work on it then too.

Patrick will be four months on Friday...I can hardly believe it. His 4 month appointment is two weeks from Monday. I'm curious about his weight. We've been tracking it on the wii fit plus and it doesn't look like he's gaining much. But he eats plenty and he is healthy, so I'm not worrying about it right now. He also almost turned over yesterday. Dean caught it in a succession of pictures. He said it was funny. He got all the way on his side but then couldn't figure out what to do. I was bummed I missed it. The downside to being at work! But hopefully when he rolls for real I'll be home. He's also learned to squeal. He squeals when he's happy and when he's not. And it can get LOUD!!! It's sort of funny, but still loud!

I realize I didn't do a 16 week post, so this is sort of making up for it. I probably will be better at just doing monthly posts now. The weeks are running together for me. I will hopefully update when he learns something new! But as for now, I need to pump and go to bed.

One year ago...

2009-12-16T15:03:00.003-05:00

...(yesterday) Dean and I got the best news of our lives. Who would have thought a year would bring the most wonderful, most challenging, most loving little being into our lives. I cannot imagine life any other way. And even though he's in there hollering on his play mat as I type this...I would not change one single thing. I love my family. My wonderful husband and sweet little boy. In my mind it couldn't be better. And I thank God everyday for this gift.

15 weeks old

2009-12-08T21:44:00.002-05:00

As I sit here typing, my sweet 15 week old boy is upstairs in dreamland. He went through a spurt of not sleeping last week but that seems to be behind us now. He's back to his old habits. It's been a big week for Patrick. His first snowfall (YUCK!). I hate the snow, but love thinking of years from now when he will be so anxious for snow to go out and play.

He's growing like a week. Most all of his 0-3 month clothes are too short. I measured him the other day at 23 1/2 inches. He doesn't seem to be gaining any/much weight, so he looks thin to me. But he'll fill out. He is grabbing at his toys more and more. And when he touches one he laughs like it's the funniest thing on the earth. He is definitely developing lap colic. He HATES to be put down. I suppose because we love holding and cuddling him so much!! He has started stretching out his feedings to closer to 2 1/2 hours apart, which is nice for me. We are all decorated and ready for Christmas. I still have some shopping to do for the little guy but not much. We won't be going overboard since he's only 4 months old!! I plan on only getting stuff we actually need anyway.

And just to keep me on my toes...I started my first postpartum period today. Fun huh? Maybe that will explain my moodiness and lack luster attitude these days. Having so meting to blame it on just makes me feel better, even if it's not the reason! Maybe once this passes I can start to feel better mentally...we'll see. If not, I may be heading to the doctor. But for now I'm heading to bed and hoping that this snow will stop overnight so I can drive to work without freaking out!!! A girl can dream right??

The week from hell

2009-12-04T20:30:00.002-05:00

As far as I'm concerned this week can be forgotten...never to be discussed again. My kid stops sleeping through the night, we put our family pet to sleep, I had a major mental breakdown in front of my mother in law, and got in a car accident....pretty much the worst week ever. Thank gosh it's the weekend. Thank gosh I don't have to go anywhere (not that I can, I have no car) and thank gosh my husband is the most wonderful man in the world!

I'm going to bed early tonight and will sleep in tomorrow. The sun will rise on a brand new day and it will be better than this one!!

Goodbye Rags

2009-12-03T21:05:00.002-05:00

It was a sad day in our family yesterday. My mom had to put our family dog Rags down. As anyone with pets knows, this is hard on anyone. My poor mom was a wreck. She was sick from chemo and then made this decision. I felt so sorry for her. But poor Rags wasn't doing well and has been declining for weeks. My parents have always been fair to their/our animals and not prolonging life when the quality wasn't there. It's still sad. And I know she had a hard time today too. Constantly looking on the bed where she slept most of the day. Waiting for her to come to the dishwasher after dinner. And I'm sure the bed feels a little bigger without her there during the night. She was a good dog and a great pet. And now she's in doggy heaven chasing deer and rabbits to her hearts content!

I stand corrected

2009-12-02T11:16:00.002-05:00

Patrick's sleeping schedule is NOT going well. He's been up the last 2 nights to eat and the night before this he wouldn't go to sleep. I'm hoping this is a growth spurt and he will go back to his normal sleeping schedule soon. I'm so tired and getting up to go to work is killing me!!

Anyone with any tips, stories or support please let me know...

14 weeks old

2009-12-01T20:29:00.002-05:00

Yet another Tuesday is upon us and my sweet boy is 14 weeks old. I'm a little biased but I swear he gets cuter every day!! We've been working on the bedtime routine. He's been pretty good about going to sleep and staying asleep. Although last night he wanted to party at 3am and the night before he wouldn't settle down until 11:30. But I'm hoping that is a fluke and he'll go back to his good sleeping habits tonight. It's HARD to get up and go to work when I'm exhausted!! I don't know how some moms do it!! I am lucky he's a good sleeper.

He's learned that he would rather be sitting up than laying down. And preferably sitting up on one of our laps. I'm working on putting him in his bumbo or swing rather than laying him down. And trying to avoid holding him ALL the time. Although it's tough because he's such a good cuddler! And I know someday he won't want me to cuddle him.

Dean weighed him on the Wii fit plus today and it gave the same weight as his 2 month appointment (11 1/2 pounds). I initially was worried but am telling myself that it's a different scale and the boy eats enough!! Still every 2 hours or so.

I've been having some feelings of doubt or fear that I'm not doing everything I should be for him. I think I read too much and listened to too much advice and now it's all backfiring on me. I worry about his bedtime routine, sleeping through the night, eating - how often and how much. I think I inherited my grandmas worry gene!!

But despite all that he is growing and healthy. Couldn't ask for anything better!

3 months old

2009-11-25T16:12:00.002-05:00

I cannot believe 3 months is gone. I know I say this every week/month but seriously...it is flying by. And now that the holidays are here...these next few weeks will probably go even faster.

Updates on the babe...he's growing like crazy. He seems to get longer everyday! He's officially grown out of some of his 0-3 months clothes but still a little small for his 3-6 month size. So he may look like a rag-a-muffin for a few weeks. He's still eating about every 2-2.5 hours. I'm pumping at work and he's getting 3-3.5 oz at a time in the bottle. He's sleeping through the night about 12 hours (give or take some days). Nap time still needs some work. He doesn't usually nap for more than 30-40 minutes 2-3 times a day and so the evening is no fun for everyone. He cries because he's tired but we are trying to keep bedtime around the same time each night for the sake of our own sanity. But he's been going to sleep much easier (because he's exhausted). So we will work on nap time. Pumping is going pretty well. My supply seems fine (thankfully) and he seems to tolerate whatever I'm eating. Overall he's a healthy growing boy and that's all we can ask for!

So three months after giving birth I am feeling pretty much back to normal. I still have 8-9 pounds of baby weight to lose (and then another 10 infertility pounds after that!) But I haven't been too diligent about my diet and working out. I keep telling myself I'm going to, it lasts for a week and then I fall off the wagon. Sex still isn't too fun. I think mostly because I'm too tired to care. And I'm nervous about getting pregnant again (who'd have thought I'd ever be nervous about that!) Mentally I'm feeling good. I have bad days here and there but nothing to be worried about. I think it's been a pretty easy road so far but I don't want to jinx anything. It could turn around at any time. And I'm sure our next baby will not be this easy!!

We're headed to Dean's aunts house tomorrow for Thanksgiving. There will be 24 people there which is way too big for my taste. My family is small, we never had a big holiday dinner so it's quite overwhelming for me. My parents are going to a friends nearby so I may try to escape with Patrick for a little bit to go see them. Their friends haven't met him yet, so that will be fun. Better get back to my baking.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!! We have so much to be thankful for in this house....

13 weeks old

2009-11-24T20:15:00.002-05:00

Has it really been a week since I've posted? Where does the time go??? I used to get a lot of my playing done at work but now that I'm only there 4 hours a day I feel the need to actually work :)

Since tomorrow Patrick will be 3 months, I'll probably do most of the update then. But today he spent the morning with my mom. The first time he's been without one of us since we left the hospital. Sort of sad! But he did great with her. And she loved watching him. Not that she could or would want to watch him full time, but I'm glad she likes to do it for special occasions!

Work is still going ok. The drama will always be there, I guess I have to get over it. But I'm really enjoying only being there 4 hours a day. By the time I'm annoyed with the place it's time to go home!! I love it!

Three month update tomorrow.

12 weeks old

2009-11-18T20:48:00.003-05:00

Again a day late, but none the less, our little guy is 12 weeks....closing in on 3 months! Our schedule and routine is still going well. I think we're all adapting. Patrick has been spending the mornings with daddy both at home and the golf course. He's been learning the ropes.

As you can see he's a champ in the seat. He is learning to sit in it longer and longer each day. He loves for me to sit with him and hold up his toys so he can inspect them. He still likes his play mat. He has found his voice and loves to 'sing' to his toys that hang. It's so funny to listen to him. He gets louder and louder....so cute. I'm sure in a few months I'll be regretting that but for now it's cute! He finds the tv so intriguing. If he's fussing, I will hold him so he can see it and he quiets right down. It's a little weird, but whatever works to clam a fussy baby. He's still eating about every 2 1/2-3 hours, which seems like a lot to me, but he sleeps about 12 hours at night, so he has to make up for that. And he is starting to grow out of his 0-3 month clothes:-( I'm not ready to pack them away yet!!! But it will happen soon!

He's growing so much and we are all learning more about each other every day. The last 12 weeks have been so fun. We can't imagine what our lives were like before!

Quiet Sunday

2009-11-15T11:26:00.002-05:00

I'm not used to having 'weekdays' and 'weekends' after being off for 2 months! It didn't really matter what day it was. But I am quickly remembering how much I enjoyed a nice quiet Sunday! We even went out to breakfast this morning. Not quite as relaxing as I remember, but still nice!

So now I'm going to clean up a bit, enjoy a warm cup of hot chocolate and scour the web for Christmas presents for my husband!

11 Weeks old

2009-11-11T17:01:00.002-05:00

I missed the post yesterday but the little peanut is 11 weeks old! I've been back at work for a week now and everyday it is getting better. I think Patrick is now figuring out that the routine has changed a little too. He has been sleeping through the night for about a month now but woke up twice since I started back. He seems fussier in the morning now that he's with daddy. Everyone keeps saying he'll get used to it. I guess we all will.

He is tolerating tummy time better. And we're trying to remember to put him on his tummy more! He's turning his head better. He had a tendency to keep his head facing left. Would hardly ever turn it towards the right. But he has now even started sleeping with it facing right...yay! The doctor said we'd give it a few more months but if he didn't start doing it on his own, we'd have to go to PT. I'm glad he's doing it on his own. He seems more interested in toys. He doesn't seem interested in us reading to him at all. I think he's too young but I still try! And lastly, he's started growing out of some of his 0-3 months clothes. Not all of them yet, but a few are very close to being too short! Hard to believe he'll be 3 months old in 2 weeks. He's growing fast and we are falling more and more in love with him everyday!

300

2009-11-09T15:03:00.002-05:00

Nope, not the movie...300 posts. I have been thinking about what this post should be about, what we've been through since I started this blog. It's been almost 2 years now of writing about my life and our journey to have a family. I can honestly say that all the negative things I wrote and thought are completely out of my mind now. I have a beautiful baby boy who brings joy to our lives and I can't imagine life any other way. The journey wasn't always fun or easy but it was worth it. Every tear, every penny, every thought....completely worth it. We are two of the happiest parents around. So I hope this post full of happiness, thankfulness and love will replace the ones full of negativity, pain and tears. Because everyday I spend with Patrick all those negative thoughts go further and further away.

2009-11-05T10:16:00.001-05:00

Please tell me this gets easier??!!??

First Day Back

2009-11-04T10:25:00.003-05:00

To work that is...not so fun. I had a very tough day yesterday just preparing for this. I really didn't want to leave Patrick. And I am not a huge fan of my job anyway which makes it that much harder! But it wasn't as bad as I thought. I'm only working part time, and a half day actually goes by pretty quick. It's usually the afternoon that drags on anyway. There were just a few tears this morning before I left. But after that we were good. And Patrick isn't up before I leave anyway. I feel like that makes it easier. It would be so hard to leave if he were crying or needed me right then. So I hope he can continue to sleep til 8 or later!

I was worried about the crazies that I work with...I knew they'd pull something...I just didn't know what. The craziest of them didn't speak to me. Barely said hello, didn't say welcome back, didn't ask about Patrick or how we were doing. Ok, great. So I just went on with my business. I keep telling myself that I'm doing this for me...no one else. I'm done doing things to please other people. I'm doing things to please myself and my family. So I'm basically doing everything in my power to ignore her. I was also worried about pumping. We don't have a secluded place for such activities so I had to do it in the bathroom. Sort of gross but I'm not giving up nursing just because I have to go back to work. So I brought a chair in from home and there's a small table in there already. It was fairly boring, but went quickly and was uneventful. Thankfully no one asked me about it....yeah, the crazies are WAY too personal! And if anyone says anything about it, I'll just point out that it is my right to pump. I don't know how I would do it if I worked all day. I think it would be a lot more stressful and difficult. Kudos to those women out there who do!

So now I'm home with my happy, smiling baby (well, he's actually napping right now!). I couldn't be happier when I'm with him. I will have to remind myself of that everyday when the alarm goes off. And I am glad I started on Wednesday so the weekend is only 2 days away. And Thanksgiving is 3 weeks from tomorrow....YIKES! How'd we let that sneak up on us. But it's a short week and we'll be happy for that!

Now time for me to rest. Getting up early and being forced to think all morning is going to take some getting used to!

Baby's first Halloween

2009-11-01T16:46:00.004-05:00

We aren't the type to really celebrate Halloween. We don't have very many neighbors so we don't get any trick or treaters. But I couldn't help but buy this little teddy bear outfit/sleeper for Patrick to wear. Since I knew we weren't going anywhere or having anyone over, I didn't buy an actual costume. Maybe next year. Anyway, here is the picture of the little guy. He wasn't quite sure what we were making him do!

I am heading back to work this week. I'm having a hard time with it. I keep thinking that if I didn't work for my family, I would probably be staying home with Patrick. And my mom is trying to make it seem better by telling me that I'll probably enjoy being out of the house. Not the case. I don't really mind being home. And I love being the one to go and get my baby when he wakes up in the morning. As it is now, I'll be gone long before he wakes up in the morning. I'm not big on prayer but I have been asking for the strength to do this. I think I honestly thought that when the time came, we'd figure something out. And I'd be staying home. But the time is here and that's not happening. Maybe for the next one....maybe. But for now, I'll just keep asking for the strength to get me through.

9 weeks and 2 month well baby checkup

2009-10-27T16:11:00.002-04:00

Patrick is healthy and growing. What every parent strives to hear!! He had his 2 month well baby visit today. He's weighing in at 11 lbs and 7 ozs. Measures 23 inches long (or 24, he was pretty wiggly!) and took his shots like a champ. I think he really didn't like being held down, but he seemed to recover rather quickly from the shots. He's been a little extra fussy today and sleeping a little more, but I think he'll bounce back just fine! The doctors office was full of sick kids though. We are being hit hard with the flu etc. A lot of schools were closed last week and continue to be closed this week. I just wish parents would keep their sick kids in the 'sick kid waiting area'. But we kept Patrick covered up and hopefully kept all the germs away!!

I also got the proofs back from our family pictures. They are great and I can't wait to go through them again to pick the ones we like the best!! I think I'll go look through them right now while Mr. Patrick is still asleep!!

2 months

2009-10-25T15:24:00.002-04:00

Happy 2 month birthday sweet Patrick! It's been a great month! He has met some new friends, gone on a few outings to the park, pumpkin patch and grandmas house, had friends over to the house and received so many wonderful gifts. We had a great time at the pumpkin patch and really enjoyed the fall weather. We haven't had much of that this year. It's back to cold and rainy now. Patrick is growing bigger. We have 1 sleep 'n' play that is too small now. I'm sure there are more to follow soon! He is going back to the doctor on Tuesday for a check up and shots. I'm a little nervous to take him to the doctor because of the major outbreak of the flu here. Dozens of schools have been closed last week due to illness and I'm sure that doctors office is crawling with germs! We are still working on the sleeping/napping situation. For the most part he is sleeping through the night. He woke up one night, but he didn't even seem that hungry and wasn't really crying. So who knows what that was about. He has had a few nights that he doesn't want to go to sleep which is far more frustrating. I think it's because he's over tired. He doesn't like to nap and by the end of the day I think he's just tired. But last night was the worst. He cried and cried and I couldn't get him to settle down. So in the midst of him crying, I was crying and pleading with him...like that will help. But I think a momma breakdown was just what I needed. I'm not really the emotional type, but it had been building up. But he's napping better today, so that's a plus.

We booked our flights to Florida for Christmas last night. Another reason for my meltdown, but that's a different story. I'm excited to be going, but of course nervous. At least I know the place really well (we've been going there since I was 8). And it's a laid back vacation with my family. Spending most ever day at the beach or pool. I'm nervous about going out to dinner since the evening isn't our best time, but it's still 2 months away, so it could be different by then.

I've been looking into mommy and me swimming classes but we can't do them until he's 6 months old. So now I want to look for something else. I plan to work part time (which starts in a week and a half, boo!) in the morning. And I think most activities are in the morning. I'll probably start looking a little harder after the 1st of the year. Once I get an idea of how all this is going to go. And don't even get me started on going back to work. I'm already dreading it. I am dreading the people, being away from Patrick and being tired. Every aspect of it!! I'm sure there will be many posts about my dislike for work!

Well I had better take advantage of this new found nap time!!

Mommy needs wine

2009-10-21T20:54:00.002-04:00

It's been a long night of screaming. Not sure why but every time someone comes for dinner he has a major screaming fit. I'm thinking of banning dinner guests until he can figure this out....because my head hurts now. I guess I should go help daddy give him his bottle and get him ready for bed. Tomorrow is a new day right??

8 weeks old

2009-10-20T15:00:00.002-04:00

And again another week gone by. Patrick is smiling more and more and seems to really enjoy the toys that hang from his play mat. He's starting to 'talk' more and more when he's playing too. I love hearing those little baby sounds! So sweet. Yesterday we went to the pumpkin patch. It was finally a nice day and I really wanted to at least get a picture of him with a pumpkin! Even though he won't remember or care, it's just something I wanted to do. And then we went to my moms to hang out for the afternoon. I'm still not great at taking Patrick out and about, I'm always worried he's going to have a breakdown or be hungry or something. I'm getting better, but not great. And now with all this hype about the swine flu, it makes me even less excited about taking him places! I went and got my flu shot today (my first ever) and am on the list to get a call when they get the swine flu shots in. I'm not against vaccines but I've never had a reason to get these until now. I can't imagine being sick with a baby....it would be a lot harder! Especially THAT sick! So for now, I'm in serious hand washing/sanitizing mode and trying to avoid any type of illness. Now that being said, Patrick has his 2 month doctor appointment in a week. I am going to do everything I can to keep him AWAY from all those germy little kids!

In other baby news (and I hope this doesn't jinx it for me), Patrick has been sleeping through the night for a week now. We had one night that he didn't want to go to sleep, but he still slept 8 hours. Other than that, he goes down between 9 and 10 and gets up between 7 and 8. I consider myself lucky, not sure if it's something we're doing or if he's just a good sleeper. I'm sure we'll have times where he does wake up, but for now, I'll take it. He isn't really napping during the day, so maybe when that changes his night time schedule will too.

I'm still in countdown mode to going back to work. And dreading it more and more each day! The people are still bat shit crazy and every time I hear a story about one, it makes me less and less excited about the idea of going back to them everyday. I'm trying really hard not to think about it. I still have 2 weeks to enjoy my sweet boy!!

Today

2009-10-15T14:44:00.003-04:00

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Rememberance Day. I can't imagine my life without Patrick, but will rememeber the previous two pregnancies that ended too early.

Please keep all the families who have had their lives changed, turned upside down, by infant loss in your thoughts today.

7 weeks old

2009-10-14T09:48:00.002-04:00

Another week gone by. Patrick is growing and learning every week. He's started smiling at us and acting like he recognizes us more and more. He loves the toys that hang down from his play mat but he's not too interested in the rattles we hold for him. He loves the music and lights on his play mat too. And he seems to like music in the car, it quiets him down when he's crying! He's growing so fast, soon he'll be sitting up and crawling around, yikes!

We had family pictures yesterday. They went well, although Patrick had enough after about 45 minutes. But I'm sure we got some good ones! I might try to do a little photo shoot of my own one of these days.

I went into work for a quick meeting this week. It made me really realize I have no interest in going back there! The drama and bullshit is too much for me to handle. I'm glad I'm only going back part time. But I go back 3 weeks from today...boo. I'll have to make the most of it while I'm still home!

Exciting times!!

2009-10-08T14:19:00.002-04:00

We had a little bit of excitement around here last night!! We've been trying to do more tummy time lately (mostly because I keep forgetting!) Anyway, last night Patrick made it quite apparent that he was having no part in it!!

We kept flipping him back over and he would roll right back! It was too funny. And of course super cute!! And so we got the video camera out...I mean what else is it for??

And then, to top it off, the little guy slept through the night. Granted I'm pretty sure I heard him talking to himself in his bed til at least 11. But I was in bed too and he slept til after 7!! I woke up at 6:15 in dire pain (I'm pretty sure milk was coming out of my eyes!) and realized he hadn't woken up! Pretty cool. I think that's the 3rd time since he's been born. I don't expect it to be a common occurrence yet, but hey, I'll take it when I can get it!!

6 weeks old

2009-10-07T14:24:00.003-04:00

Another week gone by. This one was quick because of our trip to California. We're back home and back to normal...well as normal as it can be with a baby!

Updates this week:
Patrick seems to notice us more. And he follows my voice around the room if I'm not holding him. He's getting really good at tracking toys and watching our faces. His hands have found his mouth. I catch him sucking on them all the time (and I don't say 'catch' like it's a bad thing, I don't care if he sucks on his hands!). It's actually really cute.

I've been out a few times on my own this week too. It's been nice to get away but I miss the little guy when I'm gone. And of course I'm worried about how he's doing, if he has enough to eat, when I'm going to get home to feed him or pump...always worried about something! But not worried enough to skip going out to get my hair done. It's been WAY too long and I need it. Plus we're getting family pictures done next week. A good friend of ours runs a photography business and gave us a session for my baby shower. Such an awesome gift. Although I'm sure we'll be buying tons of pictures from her!! I'm so excited for it, but nervous of how I'll look on camera. I know it's not that big of deal, but body image is tough on women. But I'm mostly excited to have really good pictures of Patrick!!

I had my 6 week postpartum visit yesterday. Everything looks normal. My incision is looking good and ute is back to normal size. She said to give my finger a few months (yep, months) before resizing my ring...because it still doesn't fit. She said some people's fingers never go back to normal size (crap!) And we talked birth control. She wants us to wait at least 6 months before trying again to give the incision etc time to heal. She gave me the options of con.doms (or other over the counter stuff), the mini-pill, or IUD. I do not intend to get pregnant before the 6 months is up, but I'm not sure what I want to do. I don't want an IUD. I'm sure it works for some people, but I don't want to have something put in me that doesn't need to be there. And then have to go back and get it taken out. And we've never been the con.dom type. And I know several people who have had real trouble with progesterone type birth control. It causes increased appetite (i.e. weight gain), moodiness, and other emotional issues. We need to talk about it more and make a decision. I'm going to go ahead and fill the prescription and go from there.

The only other thing weighing on my mind right now is going back to work. No one has asked me about my thoughts or plans about it. My dad is at a conference right now, but when he gets back next week I plan to talk to him about it. I'll feel better when it's all figured out.

Well, better take advantage of nap time!!

Tips for traveling with an infant

2009-10-03T16:26:00.002-04:00

1) Don't do it.

Just kidding. Sort of. Our trip to CA was fine. Patrick did great on the way out there. He stuck to out MI time pretty good. It was nice for me because I could put him to bed pretty early and still have some of the evening to visit and relax. However when he was up at 5am for the day, that was a little rough! I opted out of a lot of excursions my mom and aunt took. It's just too hard to be gone all day with a baby. Worrying about when/where he'll eat, will he get enough sleep, be comfortable enough etc. The list goes on. I did venture out to my grandmas apartment one day. And we did go shopping one day. Other than that I basically hung out at my aunts house with him. The trip home was an entirely different story however. We left Thursday at 9 am from my aunts house. We had a shuttle come get us because we didn't rent a car. Got to the airport around 10 and went right through security. The line was short and we didn't want to risk it by waiting. Our flight left at 11:50 but I would rather go through security in an organized fashion rather than try to rush! Everyone is super helpful when you have a baby though. Makes it a little less stressful!!! We get back to the gate to find out our flight is delayed to 1:45. UGH. So we wait. Then they decide we can board at 12:45. So we load up our stuff and get on. Patrick is crying and we're just trying to get to our seats. I nurse him and he goes right to sleep. The pilot says we're leaving at 1:10. At 1:10 he says we're delayed an hour. At 2:00 he says we're delayed another hour. At 2:30 they tell us we can get off the plane if we want. Then they change their mind. At 3:00 they tell us we have to get off the plane. So we load up again and get off. At 3:15 they re-board. We get settled and push back from the gate (wahoo!) Only to end up on the runway for another few minutes while they figure out what the weight of the plane is. We finally take off around 3:45. We're supposed to get in around 7:00PT/9:00CT which means we'll have missed our flight. And of course there are no other flights out of Minneapolis to Kalamazoo that night. But the agent told us that most flights have been delayed due to the weather and so maybe ours was too. We get land and de-plane. They have printed boarding passes for flights on Friday because of course our flight has left already. It actually left on time. The next flight we can get on is 7:50 on Friday night. So my mom talks to a very nice gate agent and he re-books us on a 7am flight to Midway. At least then we can rent a car and get home! So by the time this is all done it;s 10. Patrick is hungry again and so are we. We found a restaurant in the airport that has decided to stay open later than normal because of all the delays! So nice!! I go feed Patrick in the family room (a wonderful room for nursing mothers!!) and my mom got us a table. He fell asleep and we got some food. There's no hotel attached to the airport so the gate agent suggested we sleep in the family room since we'd have to be back at the airport by 6 (and could also avoid going through security again!) So we did. They offer small mattresses to passengers so we got a few of those and hunkered down in the family room with a few other people. Of course I couldn't sleep. Worried about my baby and our stuff and not sleeping on a real bed made for a long night!! Finally 6am rolled around and we headed for the gate. Got on the plane and took off for Midway. My wonderful husband met us there and took us home. I was worried about either of us driving since we basically got no sleep. We walked in the door at home sometime after noon ET (9am PT), 24 hours after we'd left my aunts. The.longest.day.ever!!! But I must say, Patrick did really good. He hardly cried and put up with everything so well. I couldn't ask for a better baby!!! It made it a little easier on all of us!!

Despite the travel issues, the trip was fun and I enjoyed visiting with my aunt and grandma. I can say, however that I don't know if we'll be traveling again anytime soon!! I think I'll enjoy home for now!!

5 weeks old!

2009-09-29T12:17:00.002-04:00

Another week gone by! I can't believe it. Our trip to CA has been great. I've managed to keep Patrick on MI bedtime, which makes dinner time tough around here. But I think it's a good idea to at least try! It will make going home a little easier! I however have not been staying on MI time, so I'm not getting near enough sleep. Although the little guy must have known because he slept great last night! It was fabulous!! I hope he keeps that up when we get home!! The daytime schedule is a little off though. He seems to be sleeping a little more during the day and I'm not sure what the reason is. But he seems happy and he's eating plenty, so it should be fine.

As far as developments, he has started focusing on our faces more, following my voice and watching me from wherever he's sitting. He's also following toys that we move slowly in front of his face. He doesn't follow them for long, but I think it's a good step. He's moving a ton, constantly kicking his legs and moving his arms. His eyes are finally opening really wide. Although I've noticed he only has tears coming out of his left eye. And it's also goopy (I know, not a medical term). If he's been crying, it's worse. It doesn't seem to bother him though. I am a little concerned that the right eye doesn't tear as much (if at all). That was the eye he kept closed most of the time for the first few weeks. I am debating calling the doctor. I might wait til we get home. For now we're just keeping it clean with warm water.

My sweet boy is getting so big. I can't wait for Dean to see him on Thursday. I bet he looks a lot bigger to him! And I know he misses his little boy! And he only has 1 more week of coaching, so hopefully he'll be able to hang out with us a little more after that!! I want to get as much family time in as I can before I have to go back to work!!!

1 month

2009-09-25T16:49:00.002-04:00

Happy 1 month birthday to my sweet baby boy. I cannot believe it's been a month!! We're in California right now. The trip out here was great. He did so wonderful, I was so happy! He only got fussy as we were getting off the plane in San Francisco. I was impressed! But he proceeded to be fussy for the rest of the night. I put him down at his Michigan bedtime. But that meant a long night for me. Although I was up at 4:30 because I'm used to getting up before that in Michigan. And I went to bed at 8pm CA time. Can I just say I HATE time changes?? We'll all probably get it figured out by the time we're ready to go home. And then we'll have to do it all over again! Oh well. I'm giving it a few more days, but I hope it gets better. I feel like everyone is just watching me and waiting to see what I do with him when he's crying. And of course the opinions...I'm sure anyone who's visited family with their kids knows what I'm talking about. My mom, aunt and grandma all giving me their opinions. And think that if they hold him, he'll quiet down. Um, sure. Oh well. I am going to do my best to relax and go with the flow. Patrick seems to do better when I'm relaxed anyway.

On another note the LPGA tour is playing at my aunts golf course. So I hope to go out there and watch either tomorrow or Sunday. I've been saying I want to go to a ladies event some day and now I have the chance!! I think Dean is a little jealous. Although he's playing at Whistling Straights on Monday...a pretty exciting opportunity for him!!

Well, I had better get some rest while Patrick is sleeping.

4 weeks

2009-09-22T14:43:00.002-04:00

My time sure does fly!! My maternity leave is half over :( I wish insurance grew on trees so I could stay home!!! Little Patrick is growing and getting more active. He loves to kick his legs and flail his arms around. When he moves his legs it looks just like he's running. And he is really good at kicking his covers off at night, even breaking out of the swaddle!! He already hates his arms in, but apparently hates his legs in too. I'm just worried about him being too cold! He's making more noises that aren't crying sounds while he's awake. And he's starting to focus on our faces. He will follow my voice when I'm not holding him. It's so cute!! Every week he's changing and growing! It's so fun to watch!

On Thursday I'm taking Patrick to California. I can't believe I'm doing it, I'm nervous as could be about traveling. But I feel like I need to introduce him to my grandma before something happens to her. And I know it would mean a lot to her. And from what I've heard/read, it is actually a little easier at this age. They don't mind being held and I can carry him anywhere. Not like when he's 2 and won't want to sit in my lap and would rather be running through the airport rather than in a stroller. So I'm hoping for the best but preparing for the worst. The time out there will be fun though!

Well, better get back to the laundry and packing!! Wish us luck this week!!

3 weeks old

2009-09-15T11:07:00.003-04:00

I can't believe 3 weeks ago I was just getting to the hospital with the anticipation of having our first child. I guess it doesn't really feel like 3 weeks because we've only been home for 2, but time is flying!! The days are starting to feel a little more 'normal' and don't go by quite as fast. Little Patrick has put himself on a decent schedule. He is up between 6:30 and 7 until about 10 when he eats again and then takes a good nap til 1 or 2. We're still working on the afternoon. He sort of naps on and off til 6 and this is probably why he gets so fussy in the evening. We don't have a very good feeding schedule after he gets up in the afternoon. But he then goes to bed for the night between 9 and 10 and sleeps til between 2 and 3. So I am feeling very lucky that my sweet boy sleeps so well at night and lets his momma get a good 4 hours at a time!!! SO LUCKY!! He's growing everyday. His eyes are open wider and he really looks at us now. He seems to follow us with his eyes every now and then. He seems to like us to read stories to him, but he does NOT like his mommas singing! I wouldn't either, but he really lets me know it!

So the things we need to start working on are the afternoon/evening feedings. He's still mostly sleeping in the living room. I need to remember to put him in his crib for naps so he can get used to it and hopefully start sleeping there overnight. This was my one must before we had him. I didn't want him to sleep anywhere but his crib. But the c-section put that on hold. I couldn't carry him up/down the stairs and I didn't want to be running up/down them all day/night either so we didn't have much of a choice. He doesn't seem to sleep as well up there, but hopefully that will change. I need to train myself to put him up there for his naps and he needs to learn to like it. And lastly, I need to start working on pumping more to build up more of a supply. I feel like I feed him a lot anyway, so to pump on top of that seems daunting. Some days it's easier than others, but for the most part, I hate it. But it's nice to have those bottles on hand for evening fussy time!!!

Well, I had better take advantage of nap time and get a shower and do some housework.

2 week appointment

2009-09-10T15:21:00.002-04:00

Patrick had his 2 week appointment yesterday. He did great! He's gained back his birth weight plus some. He's up to 8 pounds 15 oz and 20.75 inches long. Even his head grew and is 15.75cm around (in the 75-90th%...even though that means nothing). I was in the 90th% for height when I was a baby and I'm just under 5' tall. So I guess since he's gaining so well I can stop worrying so much that I'm not providing enough food for him. He's obviously eating pretty well. And all our concerns seemed normal to the doctor. He was great, I really liked him. Pretty laid back and took the time to listen to our questions and give real answers, not just blow us off! We go back in 6 weeks and Patrick will have to get some shots (boo!)

I also had my 2 week incision check yesterday. Everything looks fine. I got the ok to drive and (carefully) carry him upstairs. I haven't done it yet but will soon. I go back in a month.

We took Patrick to the golf course yesterday to show him off and we even ate lunch in a restaurant (a quick one, but still....our first outing). He did great. Slept the whole time!! He woke up about 2 minutes from home because he was hungry. Overall a great day! He's such a sweet baby (I'm a little biased!) and I love him more and more each day!!

Speaking of love, just want to throw it out there that Dean has been the best father and husband a girl could ask for these last 2 weeks. He's so kind and thoughtful towards both of us and I absolutely love him for it!!! He has made this transition so easy!! Don't know that I could do it without him!

Hospital Stay

2009-09-06T13:28:00.003-04:00

Well, we've been home for a week and I've been thinking about writing this but every time I sit down to do so, something else comes up. So here we go....

After delivery, I stayed in the recovery room for a while hooked up to monitors and a morphine pump (yay!) That night is sort of a blur of drugs, nurses and sleep. We ended up sending Patrick to the nursery for a few hours around midnight but he came back around 3 to be fed. Wednesday I was able to get the IV taken out, get rid of the morphine and the catheter. It felt good to be unattached. We hung out with Patrick all day and introduced him to all our visitors. My parents, friends, coworkers, Dean's mom and aunt. It was a pretty good day. He ate pretty well and seemed content. He went to get his circumcision in the afternoon and was pretty fussy after that (wouldn't you be??) Wednesday night the nurse noticed he was breathing quite fast. We thought it looked about the same as before and no one mentioned it, but she wanted to get it checked out. So she called the resident pediatrician on call and he came down to look at him. The decided not to do any blood work because of the circ. It would show inflammation for sure. They were worried about some kind of inflammation/infection in the lungs. Overall it was a rough evening, he didn't want to eat and obviously didn't feel good. Thursday went pretty well. We didn't have any visitors until late in the day. Which was nice. We could just be together as a family. Then Thursday night the same night nurse was on and was still concerned about his breathing (odd to me how none of the day nurses seemed concerned). She was taking him to the nursery with Dean to weigh him and somehow they got talking about the delivery, breaking my water and the nurse saying it was tinged. She checked the chart and there was nothing listed about it. So she called the resident pedi again and they ordered blood work and an x-ray to rule out any kind of lung infection. The x-ray was 'inconclusive' and the blood work came back with elevated levels of inflammation (at 4.9 which is about 8 times the normal .6) So between 2 resident pediatricians and 2 nurses, they decided he needed to go to the NICU and have antibiotics administered through an IV. Of course I was scared and wasn't ready to let them take my baby. They gave us a few minutes and we sat together and cried. I've never seen my husband cry, and it was the saddest thing I've ever seen. We were both scared and felt quite alone. We went with him to the 4th floor and the nurses there were wonderful. He had a room and they got right to work on the IV. They got it in his arm on the first try and he promptly pulled it out. So they tried again, no luck. Tried the other arm, no luck. At this point he was screaming. No amount of sweeties (sugar water) or pacifier was going to calm him down. He was NOT a happy boy. By this time it was well after midnight. I was exhausted and still quite sore. And seeing my poor baby being poked and held down was too much. I couldn't watch anymore and stepped outside to cry in the hallway. Dean stepped up and tried to calm him but at this point it wasn't working. Finally by about 3am they got it in his little head. After a few minutes with him cuddling and getting him to sleep, we went back to our room. A short few hours later we were up, showered and back with him. Not much you can do when your baby is hooked up to all those cords. Later that day they needed the room for an emergency and moved him to the step down nursery. Which is a good thing. It's for those babies who are healthier and probably on their way home soon. We were still waiting for the blood cultures to come back to show any growth. So in the meantime we just hung out with him and did the best we could to comfort and feed him. Feeding didn't go so well. He didn't want to eat, cried a lot and was basically miserable. I didn't know what to do. The nurses were telling me to just keep feeding him and the lactation ladies were telling me that he was doing great...apparently they missed the screaming fit earlier! So after a VERY emotional day, we decided to call it a night. I think I cried more that day than I had in a very long time!! My doctor actually let me stay in the hospital an extra night so we could be closer to him. Saturday was another day of hanging out in his NICU room. We had a different nurse who was much more helpful. They were all nice, but she really helped me understand more about the feedings, taught us a few things (how to take his temperature, use the bulb syringe etc). So that made us feel better. I got discharged around 3 or 4 and we went back to Patricks room to wait for the doctor. They didn't really know much more, still waiting for the 48 hour blood culture (although the 24 hour showed no growth). We headed home for the first time in 5 days without our new baby. It was sad, scary and not how I expected. We got some sleep and headed back up the hospital around 10. His CRP blood work showed the inflammation had gone down, so that was good. Still waiting on the culture. The doctor came in around noon and said he could go home. He said there was no way to tell whether the CRP was showing inflammation from the circ, from infection, from the bellybutton, who knows. They also didn't know if the antibiotics were what brought the numbers down or if they were just coming down on their own. So we watched a few movies on safety, RSV, car seats and shaken baby, gave him a bath, learned a few other things and by about 4 we were ready to go. We packed him up in his little car seat and headed out as a family. A very happy little family!! Finally home, all together....not sure what to do next!!!

It was a very scary few days. Not knowing what was happening or why. But we feel like we got excellent care. And we learned a lot. The additional learning has helped a ton since being home. We weren't scared to give him his first bath, weren't scared to change his diaper, get him dressed, anything. The NICU nurses showed us everything! So even though it was scary for us, being part time parents for a few days really helped us transition into being full time parents. And now, he's growing, eating like a champ and overall a happy baby!! I'm glad this is behind us, but I'm sure I have plenty of years to worry about the little guy!

Patrick Dean is here!

2009-09-01T17:05:00.002-04:00

Patrick Dean was born on August 25th at 3:37pm via c-section....let's start from the beginning!! I woke up with contractions around 1am on Tuesday. I wasn't sure they were contractions or just stomach pains (i.e. they didn't hurt that much). But after waking up every half hour until 2:30 I realized this might be it. I couldn't sleep anyway so I got up and tried to read anything I could about what was happening. I hadn't had any other 'pre labor signs' up until now, so I didn't really believe it. But the pains kept coming about 20 minutes apart. As the night progressed they did get closer together. By 6am I decided I was waking Dean up to tell him that I was pretty sure this was it. I had started spotting and the contractions were closer together. He was excited and quickly got up. Not that there was any hurry, but we both showered and got ready just to be on the safe side. By about 9:30 they were 5 minutes apart and for the most part uncomfortable. I called the office and they told me to come in. We got there around 10:30 and after being checked was 5 cm dilated already (woohoo!!) They sent me straight to labor and delivery. They knew I wanted an epidural so they were ready and waiting since I was already so far along. They didn't waste any time. I had one nurse doing the IV's and one asking all the questions. This process took a few hours (labs, IV's, fluids etc). The epidural was fine. It didn't hurt and went quickly. The only small issue was the nurse anaesthetist did it with the doctor telling her what to do....a little scary for me! The doctor came in about 2 and checked again, I was barely to 6 and my contractions went from every 2-4 minutes to every 5-6 minutes. Not the direction we want to be going. So they started me on pitocin. With the medication, I couldn't feel the contractions (yay!) but apparently they weren't progressing like the wanted. Shortly after that we noticed the baby's heart rate (now being monitored from the inside) had dropped to about 50. We called the nurse and they all came flying in. I changed positions and it came back up but then proceeded to drop after every contraction. Not that low, but low enough to be concerned. At 3 the doctor came in and said he suggested a c-section. We could wait it out but with the heart rate issue he wouldn't. So I agreed and by 3:20 I was in the OR getting my stomach scrubbed. I couldn't feel anything except pushing and pulling. Which I'm not going to lie, it hurt. I was scared and crying. I didn't really get enough time to process everything and I was scared! All the talking and directions was scary and it sounded like they had a hard time getting him out. I kept hearing 'push harder'....not pleasant!! Until I finally heard that little cry. My sweet baby boy! They whisked him over to the cart to measure and weigh him. Dean took pictures and they brought him to me as soon as they were done. He was beautiful. They finished stapling me up (yeah, real metal staples....yuck!) and I was in recovery by 4. All in all it was a quick ride. I had to stay there for 2 hours. It went by quick and had just a few bumps in the road. The anaesthesia made me sick and throwing up with an incision across my belly was not fun. Especially on an empty stomach. But holding that little baby made everything better! We were moved to our room about 6....both in shock that we are finally parents!!! The best feeling in the world!!!

So the delivery went great. My baby boy was 8 pounds 12.6 oz., 20 inches long. His head was 14 cm which lead everyone to believe I would have needed a c-section anyway to get him out! He is a healthy little boy!! We were planning on going home on Friday....but nothing is ever easy! I'll update the rest of our stay later. Right now baby Patrick is just waking up!

Last Day of Work!!!

2009-08-21T09:40:00.003-04:00

My last day of work for 2 months (give or take)...I can't believe it. I really can't believe we're going to have a baby....I know we've been doing this for 9 months, but when it comes right down to it....yikes! A baby, any day now, I can hardly stand myself!

Work was beyond shitty. The crazy one I work with was basically a bitch all day. I don't know if it was directed at me because I am leaving, or if she was just having a bad day, but either way it was frustrating and annoying. She hates it when the attention is on someone else...and right now, it's not on her. I can say however that it made me so glad today is my last day. I had a fleeting thought of going in for half days next week since we didn't get any news yesterday at the doctor. But I reconsidered this morning. I deserve a few days to myself. And then after her behavior...it sealed the deal! So I'm done for now. If we could just win the lottery or found insurance that grew on trees I probably wouldn't be going back at all. But that's another topic all together.

I'm still hoping to have the little guy as soon as possible...this weekend even if he'll cooperate. But we'll see. I'm feeling a little more at ease now. Feeling like I can wait it out. So we'll see how long that lasts. For now, I plan to have a restful and relaxing weekend....and we'll just wait!

39 Weeks

2009-08-19T16:03:00.002-04:00

Holy crap....39 weeks. That means that in a week (give or take) I will have my sweet boy. I can't wait. No, honestly...I cannot wait. I am SO ready to have this baby. I have been having lower back pain and a little bit of cramping (think menstrual cramps). But nothing significant. We go back to the doctor tomorrow afternoon. I am hoping I'm somewhat dilated. And plan on asking him about stripping membranes. I hope he is open to the idea...

Nothing new to report this week. Hopefully have something new to report tomorrow. Keeping our fingers crossed:-)

Single digits!!!

2009-08-17T14:03:00.003-04:00

First off I can't tell you how excited I am to be in the single digits!! I'm hoping this little boy is punctual and doesn't make me wait longer than 9 days. I haven't had any contractions or major signs of labor. My back did however start hurting yesterday afternoon, which I have read can be a sign. So we'll see. I'm basically over being pregnant and just want to meet this little guy. It's really hard to sleep and be comfortable just about anywhere! So maybe after our doctors appointment on Thursday I'll have a better idea!

The only worry I have right now is getting the stomach flu....yep, the throwing up...etc, stomach flu. Dean was complaining of not feeling good last night and I was exhausted so we went to bed early. Less than an hour after laying down, he leaped out of bed and proceeded to throw up for the rest of the night. Poor thing, he felt awful. And there wasn't much I could do for him. He stayed home today (which I'm sure was about killing him!) I talked to him briefly and he said he might take a shower (a step in the right direction). I'm leaving work at 3 so I'll go check on him and then clean both bathrooms and whatever else he may have touched!! I REALLY don't need to be throwing up all night in my condition!! So hopefully he's feeling better soon and we can both be healthy to have this little baby.

Only 9 days left!! WAHOO!!!

38 weeks and appointments

2009-08-14T09:44:00.003-04:00

We had our 38 week appointment. They were running WAY late so we had a different doctor than I expected, which is fine. They had a really hard time finding the heartbeat but she thinks it's because he's laying with his back to my back. I hope he turns around before he comes out!!! But she finally got it and it's at a healthy 160. BP was fine. Weight is fine. I had my first internal check. It wasn't that bad (it wasn't that fun either) but I'm not dilated or anything....boo. So no baby anytime soon. She did say that it could happen anytime and when it does start it could go quickly. But I'm not so hopeful. We go back next Thursday. I'm hoping for a little change!!

Leaving work at 3 or 3:30 has been a huge help! I feel much better by the end of the week, and the days seem to go by much faster! I'm actually leaving at noon today to have lunch with some friends and a massage later! So looking forward to it. And I have big plans for myself this weekend. Cleaning the house and maybe even cleaning out my car! I hope I can get some motivation to get it all done. I have no other plans, so I have no excuse!!

And of course I have to keep thinking happy baby thoughts and maybe he'll start listening to me!!!

One more thing

2009-08-11T17:47:00.002-04:00

So I've been worried about my mom having chemo when the baby is due/coming. I realize there is nothing we can do about this, but I can worry anyway. Well, she was supposed to have chemo yesterday which would have put her next treatment on the 31st. And I was starting to think this all might work out. She gets all the way over there (it's a 2+ hour drive to Detroit from here), spends the night and gets to the cancer center bright and early on Monday. They do the preliminary testing and low and behold her platelet count is too low. She can't have treatment if they're below 75. The lowest she's had so far is 78. They were 52 yesterday. A normal persons number is 150-400. There's nothing they can do other than a blood transfusion. And they won't do that until they get as low as 20. So she came home. She was NOT a happy camper. It's a long trip, something she plans her weeks around. Plans how she's going to feel, who is going to watch the animals, what she's going to be able to do etc. So even though it's a slight reprieve, not having treatment this week...it's still frustrating. She will have the blood tested again Thursday and again Monday. If all is well by Monday she will have treatment next Thursday. I felt so bad for her. But hopefully she'll know this time before she gets there if she can or can't have treatment. Then she went on to tell me the precautions she needs to take. If she cuts herself, falls or gets a bruise she needs to go to the ER. If she hits her head, go to the ER. Sounds scary to me. But of course she just takes it in stride. So needless to say, baby or no baby, I'm worried about her. I hope she can start feeling better really soon!!

And it continues....

2009-08-11T13:26:00.003-04:00

The in-law saga that is. I swear every time I think these people can't do anything worse, they do. So they bought a farm in Indiana so they could have horses and be closer to the race tracks. They're into horse racing...not my thing, but whatever. They are buying horses like money grows on trees. They've been down there a lot over the last month, he was just there for over a week by himself. He came home for like 5 days and now they're going back. The newest horse is racing Sunday and they don't know when they're coming back. So if the baby comes while they're gone, his mom will probably come back but he won't....WHAT? He's not invited to the delivery room (neither is she for that matter) but still...he's not going to come back to see his first and maybe only grandchild?? I have been worrying/wondering about this now for a while. What they were going to do? How I was going to react? They basically don't give us the time of day unless it affects them somehow. They need us to do something for them or give them something or some holiday is coming up. They never call to see how we are, never call to see if we need anything from them. So I guess I should have seen this or something like it coming.

The worst part is I feel horrible for my husband. He's so excited about this baby. We worked so hard and went through a lot and now we're finally going to be a family. And his dad is being a total jerkface about it. And his mom is too for that matter. I can't be too upset in front of him, I don't want to make him feel worse. My parents are over the moon excited....can't wait, want to know all the details...everything. His parents don't even ask about any of it. I don't think his mom has even said she's excited about the whole process. Ugh, it just bothers me. And I feel so bad for him.

But I guess no reason to dwell on the negative. I know that we are still beyond excited and can't wait to meet our son. If they aren't, it's their loss. Only 15 days left!!! SO EXCITED!!!

Appointments and parties

2009-08-08T09:30:00.002-04:00

We had our weekly appointment yesterday. Everything seemed just fine. They keep telling me that 'next week' we'll be starting the internals....but apparently they aren't. According to the nurse they for sure will be doing it at 38 weeks (i.e. next week). So another week of reprieve! I'm actually kind of glad because I would hate to have heard I was 1 cm or even less because I would have worried about it all week! So now I just have to wait and see what next week brings.

Stats were all fine. My BP was fine, weight was up 2 pounds, but not on my scale at home. Still not worried about weight. Babies HB was 148, sounded great! Measuring right on schedule. Head still down. No questions, issues or anything...it was a quick appointment.

Work was busy last week and it's getting harder and harder to sit all day long. I'm thinking of starting to leave a little early next week. It might help me feel like I have more time to get stuff done and not feel quite so tired by the time I get home. We'll see how next week feels. I already have to leave early on Thursday for the appointment and I'm taking a half day Friday. So we'll see. I also need to firm up plans for when I come back with my dad and then 'announce' it to the rest of the office. I don't know why I'm nervous about it. I'm doing what is best for me and my new family and really don't care what they think. Just don't feel like dealing with the drama.

Last night Dean's aunt invited us to come to her house to visit with her kids and grand kids that were in town from Canada. We weren't able to go to the entire family reunion last week because travel isn't too fun anymore. But I wasn't aware that basically the entire family was coming! So there wasn't a lot of visiting going on with Dean's cousins, but it was fun. We had dinner, talked about the baby, caught up a little. Overall it was nice. His mother was there, which is always an experience. She was for the most part behaved, but still says such inappropriate things. I'm learning to deal with it, but it's still frustrating. And now she's decided she's going to give me advice on the baby. Basically I don't want to hear it. She hasn't given the baby the time of day yet, why should I start listening to her now?? Ugh...whatever. The rest of the family was nice!

And today I have big plans for myself. Cleaning, laundry (mine and baby's!), errands, shopping and hopefully have enough energy to make dinner! I guess I'd better get moving! Although the rain we're getting (which is much needed!) is making it hard to be motivated. If the rain continues, I might take a nap later!!

Oh and just because I can't help myself...the ticker is down to 18 days:-)

37 Weeks

2009-08-06T09:00:00.002-04:00

and 1 day. I had intentions of writing a post yesterday but between work being crazy busy and then out with a friend last night, I just ran out of steam by the time I got home.

The little guy is the size of a watermelon and the weight of a large mouth bass...nice. He's moving around a ton. I think I feel it more because there's no where for him to go! He likes to push a lot, not so much kick and jab. And as of yesterday he is full term. He could come any day now. He hasn't dropped yet so my guess is he won't be making an appearance anytime soon. I'm really hoping for him to make his appearance on the 20th or 21st so I've been telling him everyday....we'll see if he listens. I don't know why I want that day, just do. But he'll come when he's ready.

We have another doctor appointment tomorrow. First internal...yikes! I'm a little nervous about that, but oh well...Looking forward to hearing his little heartbeat. And then onto the weekend!! Wahoo!

24 days

2009-08-02T12:21:00.002-04:00

Wow, that's pretty close to 3 weeks!! I spent the day yesterday in his room getting it organized and cleaned up. I have more laundry to do and a little more work up there. I will try to get most of it done today. Although I woke up with a slight headache, sore throat and stuffy nose. I'm hoping it's from sleeping with my mouth open, but it doesn't feel like that kind of a sore throat. I will be so mad if after 9+ months I get sick. I plan to drink a lot of water and maybe even take a nap this afternoon....we'll see. I have a busy week planned too, so I can't be sick!!

The doctor appointment on Friday went fine. It was another 5 minute appointment. I guess I should be thankful that everything is so 'normal' that they don't need long to see me. He seems healthy, heart rate still 152, my bp is 'perfect' as the doctor said. I didn't even gain any weight last week! Yay for me. I'm still shooting for 40 pounds....we'll see. I have gained about 35-36 so far so I might be going over. But overall I think I've done pretty well. The doctor doesn't seem concerned, so that's good.

We went for a walk last night. It was a little harder than I thought. Swimming is great, but it's nothing like walking! I am hoping to go a few times a week now until he comes. I also want to keep swimming but with the busy week I have, I may just skip it. Getting up that early and then trying to do something after work is really hard. We'll see. If I can walk and swim a few times a week, I will be happy with that.

Private or new blog?

2009-07-30T14:19:00.002-04:00

I've been running across several blogs that are going private after their baby is born because of various reasons. The thought honestly hadn't crossed my mind. The only thing that had crossed my mind was setting up a new blog for outside friends/families who don't know about our struggles to get and stay pregnant. I would like to be able to share with them after our little guy gets here....so my question is, do I go private and only allow people I know to read? Do I leave it public and hope that no one has the time or desire to go back and read through all our crap? Or can I move the rest of my posts and start 'fresh' with this one? Or do I just decide that I don't really care and do whatever is easiest?? I'll probably go with the last one because that seems to be the path I've been taking lately.

That's the thought for the day....

36 weeks

2009-07-30T08:26:00.002-04:00

27 days left....but who's counting! Things are about the same. Same issues, same fears, same excitements....well, maybe a little more excitement!

~still having swollen feet
~still having numb fingers
~still having a tough time sleeping
~having to pee even more at night (who thought that could happen??)
~still need a few things for this little guy...going shopping this weekend
~still need to clean/organize his room
~still excited...can't wait to meet this little guy
~still nervous about staying over night in the hospital

We have another doctor appointment tomorrow. Should just be a regular appointment. No internal checking or anything out of the ordinary. That will be next week. So should be a quick appointment. I don't really have much to report to the doctor. A few contractions here and there, but nothing note worthy.

I had my last swimming class this week. I'm sort of glad it's over. But it's just one step closer to the end! I'm feeling more and more ready everyday! I know I can never be totally prepared, but I still think I'm ready as I will ever be! I would like to keep him safe inside for a few more weeks....but after that, any time is fine!!

The aftermath

2009-07-27T13:49:00.002-04:00

The shower was fun. There were a lot of people there and it was nice to see some of Dean's side of the family. His parents are so weird, we/they don't do a lot with the extended family. So I'm glad we got to do something with them. His mom was only semi-crazy. She basically didn't speak to me. I don't know if she doesn't like me, jealous of me, or just doesn't know how to be social? She seems to talk to everyone else just fine. Sometimes I wonder if she is jealous of my relationship with Dean. Since her husband is such a jerk, I can imagine she wishes things were different sometimes. Who knows. I feel bad that I'm always bad mouthing her, but when I only see her a few times a year and she barely speaks to me, I feel I have a bit of a right to be annoyed. I think I wrote about this before but they bought a farm in Indiana to put their horses on (well the 1 horse they own, they're buying 2 more apparently). And they were there for 8 days, came home last Wednesday and then left again last night and will be home sometime the end of this week. So my question is, are they going to try to make a point to be in town when the baby comes? It's the 1st grandchild....there aren't any do-overs. I hope they understand that. I'm trying to put it out of my mind though....it's not my problem if they choose to not be around.
Anyway, back to the shower, everyone was very nice (except for the 'oh my, your huge' and 'that baby will come any time'....I don't feel that big!) But I guess 80 year old women are allowed to say whatever they want! The food was great, one of Dean's cousins made the cake and it was beautiful. She's starting a little business so I hope I can send some people her way. She made her own wedding cake back in May and it was beautiful and delicious! And of course this little boy got tons of things. A lot of clothes and other things for his room. He's going to be one very loved little boy! Now I have to finish up the thank you cards. I got most of the written, but not addressed. I hope to have them in the mail tomorrow or Wednesday. And then I need to go through all that stuff and see if there's anything I need to take back, exchange or wash. I'm sure a little of all 3! I also need to make a list of the things we still need before he gets here. We have most everything, but still need a few little things here and there. And I'm sure I'll be running to the store tons after he is born. But of course I feel the need to be somewhat organized and prepared!
So overall the day was nice and we both had a good time. I'm glad Dean was able to come and enjoy it with me. I think he had a good time too! Now it's time to try to make it through another week. Can't believe we only have 4 more to go through!! Can't wait!

Baby Shower today!!!

2009-07-26T10:46:00.001-04:00

Getting excited for the baby shower today! Hoping for a drama free day from the MIL....

Will update later when I get home!

More appointments

2009-07-24T13:49:00.003-04:00

I think I'm going to feel like the doctors office is my 2nd home before too long. We had another appointment today. Had the group B strep test. It wasn't that bad. The doctor last week said they'd check my cervix, but apparently they don't start that until 37 or 38 weeks. I'm glad to put that off a little! The doctor mentioned how swollen my feet are. I think it's because of going to the game, sitting in the car and then sitting in the stands. And it was pretty humid yesterday. They just haven't gone back down. I'll try working on that this weekend! I'm trying to keep them up at work, but it's hard to remember! He also felt around externally on the belly to try to feel the baby. He squeezed the baby's head and it sort of hurt...but the good thing is he's head down. He said that for the most part after 34 weeks, once they go down, they stay that way. So I'm hoping that's the way it stays for me! I think he's been head down for a while though. When he kicks/moves, I mostly feel it up on top and the sides. But from where he was squeezing, I'm pretty sure he hasn't dropped or anything. It seemed pretty high up. But everything else seemed fine. Weight is up (not too happy about that), BP is fine, HB is fine. So overall I think it was a good appointment. We go back next week.

I did ask him about my situation with my mom. She's due to have chemo in Detroit the week of my due date. Now let me preface this by saying I do not want to be induced unless absolutely necessary. I realize that no one can predict when a baby is going to be born. And lastly I know in the grand scheme of things, this is not that big of deal. HOWEVER....it's the birth of my 1st child, her first grandchild and I would like her in the same city as me. So I figured I'd bring it up just to get it off my chest. I told him I didn't want to be induced, I told him I know there's no way to tell when this is going to happen, but I just wanted him to know. And maybe if by my last appointment on the 20th it looks like there's no way I'll be delivering anytime soon, she can go on Monday and get it over with and be home for another 3 weeks. I feel better having them know my situation. Now maybe I can stop thinking about it.

We had lunch and then back to work. Tomorrow is a day of cleaning and laundry and Sunday is the baby shower with the in-laws. I will be glad when it's over. I get so anxious when I have something to do with his parents. Especially after the last shower when she announced she didn't want to/wasn't ready to be a grandma. We'll see how she acts in front of her own family. I am making Dean go with me though, so that will hopefully help. And Dean wants to talk names again. At least to 'try' to come up with a name. I think we're going to start by writing down all the names we like and go from there. And this is going to sound super mean, but I don't really want the first people we tell to be his family who don't even want to be grandparents or have us as a part of their family...I'm a brat, I know. We probably won't even come up with anything anyway.

Well, time to head back to the couch and put my feet up....I don't think they can get any more swollen than they already are!!

35 weeks

2009-07-22T21:23:00.002-04:00

Nothing too new to report. Still tired, sore, and crabby. After hearing the story of my aunts friends grandson, I will endure whatever it takes to get this baby to full term. Her baby will have to stay in the NICU for 1-5 weeks depending on how he does. I know it's hard sleeping, my back hurts and I'm for the most part crabby all the time but it's worth it for a healthy baby boy. The belly is getting bigger. He doesn't seem to have 'dropped' yet. I'm curious to see how that changes the shape/size of the belly.

We're off to a Tigers game tomorrow. I'm excited to go. We're hoping for no rain or storms. We're having dinner with my brother too. He has his 2nd round of boards this week so he can't spend the afternoon at the game, but he can do dinner.

We have another doctor appointment Friday. They will do the group b strep test and do an internal check. Yikes. Not exactly pleasant but I'm curious about the whole process.

I need to get some chores done and get ready for tomorrow.

Daddy boot camp

2009-07-21T09:15:00.002-04:00

Dean went to daddy boot camp over the weekend. It's a 3-4 hour class just for dads, taught by dads. He seemed to really enjoy it. And he liked telling me all the stuff he learned. They talked about a lot of things we talked about in other classes but also some new stuff. I'm really glad he went. I think he's getting more and more excited for the arrival of this little guy! We even talked names again last night. Still nothing picked out, but we're getting closer!! Apparently Dean doesn't want to pick a name because he's worried he'll find a name he likes better....sort of funny!

Yesterday we went to a funeral of a good family friend. He was 91 and had a good life, but of course it's still sad. But I was glad to be able to be a part of saying goodbye.

It feels like another busy week around here. Work is slow, but outside activities are busy! Swimming tonight, Tigers game Thursday and in law baby shower on Sunday. I'm hoping with these busy weeks, the time will go by faster! I just found out my aunts friends daughter who was due the same day I was, had her baby last night. She didn't want to tell me because I'd be jealous. I want to meet my baby, but this is a bit early!! Maybe in a few more weeks!! But both she and the baby are doing well, so that's good. I don't know if it's genetic or what, but her mom had her and her brother 4 and 6 weeks early too. I'm just glad they're both doing well!

35 weeks tomorrow...looking forward to it!! And hoping for no rain on Thursday!

Happy anniversary

2009-07-17T13:31:00.002-04:00

Today is my 5 year wedding anniversary. I can't believe it's been 5 years since I married the love of my life. Time sure does fly. And according to everyone I know with kids, it apparently goes even faster after the baby arrives. Yikes. We have basically no plans for our anniversary. We decided that we didn't need to do gifts although my sweet husband brought home flowers yesterday so they'd be there when I got home. We're going to a Tigers game next week, so we decided to call that our anniversary outing. A big outing, I know! haha. But it will be nice to spend some time with Dean. We've both been so busy, we aren't hardly home at the same time unless it's to sleep!
We had an appointment with the doctor today. Basically all my ailments are normal, there's nothing they can do about it and she didn't seem all that sympathetic! HA. She probably hears pregnant women complain about that all the time. I guess as long as it's normal, I'm ok with it. Not happy about it, but I guess it's ok. We also found out that we have to start going every week now. I thought it was after 36 weeks, but apparently it's now. I have the group b strep test next week and she said they'd probably start checking to see if I was dilated etc next week. Although only being 35 weeks, there probably isn't anything to be checking. So we made all our appointments until our due date. If we need any after that we can make them as we go. It's exciting to see it all down on paper like that! Hopefully the next few weeks will fly by:-) Can't wait to meet this little guy!!

34 Weeks

2009-07-15T08:36:00.002-04:00

Apparently things get worse right before the baby comes....I have had an easy pregnancy but these little issues are starting to get me down...I know these are little but right now it's just hard to take
~my 2nd and 3rd fingers on my right hand are numb/tingly all the time.
~I threw up for the first time on Monday night. It hasn't happened again since, but it wasn't that fun.
~My hips are killing me
~I have a shooting pain down the right side of my back, through my butt and down my leg
~I can't go to the bathroom (even with my increased fiber and stool softener regiment). It may be time for some Meta.mucil or whatever it's called.
~I'm not sleeping for shit. I'm up 3-5 times a night to either pee or switch positions. And usually one of those times I can't fall back to sleep. It's great.
~work is sucking so it's making all the rest of this stuff hard to deal with. I don't think it would be that bad if I could get some sleep!!

At least it's almost Friday and I can relax all weekend. We have an appointment on Friday. I plan on bringing up some of this with the doctor, but I'm sure they'll just say it's normal. I only have 6 weeks left. I suppose I can deal with it. I have some fun things to look forward to in the next few weeks, so hopefully that will help keep my mind off of it. And I'm going to try really hard to enjoy the last few weeks of just me and my husband before our lives change forever.

hospital bags and car seats???

2009-07-11T10:22:00.002-04:00

So my husband was giving a lesson to these 2 women yesterday and they were asking about the baby and all that goes along with it. Apparently they both agreed that we should have the car seat installed already and the hospital bag packed. The one went on to say that they went into labor the day after they installed the car seat (3 weeks early) and the other went into labor 4 weeks early! Yikes. I know I only have about 6 weeks left, but I thought I had plenty of time to pack and all that. And we were planning on doing the car seat around the beginning of August. Too late? Too early? Who knows I guess. So I decided I would at least start a hospital bag last night. I got a little bag of toiletries, makeup, Tylenol etc packed up. It's not much, but at least it's a start. I do however think I'll wait a few more weeks to actually put it all in a bag.

For now I'm going to finish cleaning the house and then off to run a few errands....hopefully I can get just what I need at Target and nothing extra (yeah right!!)

FRIDAY!!!

2009-07-10T09:06:00.002-04:00

I for one am thrilled it's finally Friday. This week has been too busy at work. I enjoy the quiet without the crazy co-worker, but I don't enjoy doing all the work myself. She'll be back Monday, so then I can relax a little more while I'm here. And I have fun plans in the next few weeks, so I'm already looking forward to that. Dinner with friends at our house tomorrow night, haircut (which I need badly) next week, hanging out with good friends on Thursday....hopefully next week will go by fast! And according to my 'plan' 6 weeks from today will be my last day of work! I'm super excited about that. 6 weeks doesn't sound too long!

I'm also hoping to go through some of the baby stuff this weekend, get it washed and put away and organize his room again. Maybe if I do it once now before our next shower, I won't have a huge job in August!!

Hope everyone else has a great weekend too!!

33 weeks

2009-07-08T13:42:00.002-04:00

So we're feeling a little better now. Not sure where the mini breakdown came from. Probably just too much going on in my head. Probably will happen again before this is all over with.

Baby is around 4.5 pounds and measuring about 17 inches long. About the weight of an adult duck. He's still moving around in there but it's a different kind of movement. He doesn't have as much space so it's more pushing than sudden jabs. I have been having a lot of bra.xton hi.cks. They don't have any regularity to them and don't usually last too long. But I'll keep an eye on them. I haven't had anymore spotting, so I guess we're in the clear on that for now. I have had a few issues with my feet getting too swollen. Yesterday they were like 3 times their normal size. My poor toes hurt to bend, they were so swollen. But I had swimming and they seemed a lot better after that. I really need to get into a better routine with that. I have been skipping more than I should! So I plan to go on Friday, my regular morning!! Our next appointment isn't until next Friday. For having them every 2 weeks, it does seem like a long ways away. Only 3 more weeks until we go every week! Yikes.

So overall a good week. I must say I do enjoy seeing the days and weeks tick by!! Only 49 days left!! woohoo!!!

Pity party table for 1 please

2009-07-06T09:40:00.002-04:00

Disclaimer: If you are currently trying to get pregnant, having a good day and don't want some whiny post to get you down, or just don't feel like listening to it....I suggest you STOP reading right now!

I feel like I've done a pretty good job during this pregnancy rolling with the punches. There hasn't really been that much to deal with. No morning sickness, nothing too horrible to deal with. But I am here to tell you, I'm sort of over it. I'm over the constant nosebleeds. I'm over not sleeping, I'm over the fat fingers and feet. My back hurts, I had the most horrible headache yesterday (which I haven't had a headache in months!). It was so bad it woke me up at 2am and I didn't think I was going to fall back to sleep. I realize that when the baby comes I won't be sleeping much either, but I feel that might be a different kind of not sleeping. I'm tired of people telling me how hot I'm going to be between now and August. Tired of them telling me how bad labor is. Basically I woke up on the wrong side of the bed one of the many times I was out of my bed last night....I'm hoping this will pass as the day goes on.

Now of course I would go through anything to be sure to have a healthy baby. I realize this is just part of the fun, but I'm allowed to have a few days of 'poor me'. It's not always sunshine and rainbows. And right now, it's not.

Happy July 4th!!

2009-07-04T09:27:00.002-04:00

Hope everyone has a safe and happy 4th of July! We don't have many plans, Dean is working. But hopefully some fireworks later and a trip to the lake tomorrow. Hoping the weather cooperates!!

Yesterday we picked up our new I.phones. So far I love it. If our old company would cooperate and transfer over our numbers, we'd be all set. I think it will take a little getting used to, but it's fun learning about it and I think it will be quite useful.

Now it's time to get this house cleaned up. Maybe after I can do something fun:)

Long weekend ahead!

2009-07-02T15:04:00.002-04:00

I am at the beginning of a long weekend. We have tomorrow off of work and we got out early today....woohoo! We don't have any specific plans but I am going to head to South Haven tomorrow and maybe stop by to see some friends in town from CA on the way. Dean is working basically til dark tonight, most of the day tomorrow and Saturday. So I'm on my own basically. And I think we're going back to South Haven for a boat ride and dinner with my fam on Sunday. Overall it will be a boring weekend, but I will take boring over not working any day! And maybe I can get up some motivation to get some more baby stuff ready!!

Apparently the spotting/discharge issue is over. Haven't had anything since yesterday after lunch. I feel normal for the most part (whatever normal is these days). I will keep an eye out for anything out of the ordinary, but I think it was just a fluke and I'm fine.

Hope everyone has a safe and happy 4th of July holiday weekend!!

Slightly worried

2009-07-01T11:25:00.004-04:00

So I'm not sure what to title this post. I woke up this morning to some pinkish spotting. After a normal appointment yesterday, no internal exam and no se.x I was a little concerned. It wasn't a lot and not bright red and has tapered off now to mostly brown and more like discharge than anything else. I'm trying not to freak out but every time there is a twinge or pain in my stomach I of course think the worse. I was trying to wait to see what comes of it this morning. So far it doesn't seem like much, but I still think I should let the office know.

I've read a little online (probably a bad idea) but it said that sometimes you can spot before losing the muc.us pl.ug. Seems a little early for that. But apparently it can happen.

I've been saying I am so anxious to meet my baby and can't wait for him to get here, but I didn't mean this early! If anyone has any stories out there about weird spotting like this....please let me know. In the meantime, I'll call and wait and hope!

32 weeks

2009-07-01T11:19:00.002-04:00

Little baby is growing like a week. According to the website updates he is almost 4 pounds and 17 inches long. I can feel him moving around in there a lot! Our latest appointment was yesterday. Apparently all my concerns are normal and she said everything seemed fine. Heart rate around 150. I didn't gain any weight from the last appointment (which seems a little odd to me). I was tired yesterday but still dragged my self to swimming. Only 4 more weeks of that! I still like it but I'm so much more tired now. It makes it harder to want to go.

Still feeling pretty good other than swollen feet and hands. And apparently having braxton hicks contractions, which the doctor seems to think are fine. Looking forward to the holiday weekend (mostly because we get Friday off!) I don't know what we're doing yet. Probably hanging out at the lake. Sounds good to me!

31 Weeks

2009-06-24T10:25:00.004-04:00

9 weeks left.....woohoo! I'm getting so anxious even though I have so much time left! Especially now since it's been in the 90's the last few days. The thought of going through 9 more weeks in this heat isn't too appealing.

Baby updates...he's doing pretty well. I had a little scare on Monday. Around 4 I realized I hadn't really felt him move much. I also hadn't had a lot of water, so I sucked down some water and went home to lay down and see what I could feel. I didn't feel anything for about an hour and after 2 bottles of water I thought my bladder was going to explode. Dean was home (which is not normal) so he was tapping on my stomach and I was freaking out. We decided to eat dinner and then maybe that would get him going. Nope...I felt a few little flutters but nothing like I normally do. I decided I would wait another hour and see what I thought and then decide about calling someone. Well, finally around 9 he woke up and was a crazy kid. Kicking, moving, rolling all that stuff. And then he kept it up most of the night and all day yesterday. I guess he was just letting me know he was still there. Silly baby! But he's been fine since.

According to Babycenter he weighs as much as 4 naval oranges (3.3 pounds and is about 16 inches long) and growing like a weed. He should gain about a half a pound a week from now until August 26th. I'm still feeling fine. Sleeping is going a little better (maybe because I'm so tired). Still only up once a night to pee. Work is a struggle. I have no motivation to be here, don't really care to get this stuff done. I keep hoping this will pass, but I can't keep my mind from wandering off to the baby and life after his arrival! i.e look for more senseless posts while I'm at work!!

The constant drama in this office is also making it hard to concentrate. Who would have thought an office with all of 6 people here could have so much drama. One of the crazy ones (as I affectionately call her) got a call from her doctor yesterday that her pap came back positive for H.PV. So she of course told everyone and burst into tears and proceeded to cry for about an hour. Now of course I feel bad for her, what awful news. But would you really share that with your entire office? And then proceed to sit here and talk to everyone you know on the phone? I don't know about you, but I'd probably make up some excuse to leave and make those phone calls in the privacy of my own car or home. So needless to say it was a rough afternoon around here yesterday. And she's of course looking up everything she can find about it and convinced it's cancer. It might be a long few weeks!

On an up note....only 2 more days til the weekend! And our breastfeeding class on Saturday!

Odds 'n' ends

2009-06-22T14:05:00.002-04:00

This is going to be a hodge-podge of a post...

Overall the weekend was fun. I spent Saturday putting off my chores and then ended up going to run errands with my brother (anything to get away from housework!!) Saturday night was spent watching the US open. Pretty uneventful.

Sunday we got up and went to breakfast. We usually make breakfast at home, but we had to run by Dean's parents to check on the house since they've been gone for several days. They left their cats and goldfish there (I completely disagree with this!!) I think it's awful to leave those animals there like that alone for so long. But no one listens to me. So we played with the cats, fed and watered them and the goldfish. In the process of changing the water, I realize that there is no plumbing in the kitchen sink....yep, you read that right. The water spicket works, but there are no pipes for the water to run back to the septic or where ever water goes. It just went down the hole and into a 5 gallon bucket. Then I assume they dump the bucket out somewhere. I realize this may be the norm for some people (obviously my inlaws) but this is not the norm for me. And especially having a baby on the way, I look at their house a little differently. It is NO where near child proof or could it be in any way child proof. The floors are filthy (well, everything is filthy), there are nick knacks everywhere and a huge wood burning stove in the middle of the living room with nothing stopping a small child from running right into it. So after discovering the pluming issue it was determined in my mind that our child will not be left unattended (or without me) in their house. If they want to have a holiday or dinner, they can come to our house. That may sound bitchy, but I don't care.
After breakfast and our snooping session at the inlaws (oh yes, there's more...but we won't go into that now) we headed home and I promptly got my housework done. I don't think I've ever cleaned my bathrooms and floors so thoroughly!!! And then watched the US open again. I was (and still am) exhausted from who knows what so I didn't do much for the rest of the afternoon. It was early to bed for me!

The last little tidbit from the weekend was my phone conversation with Deans dad's cousins wife (follow that?). Apparently his mom is serious about this shower and has contracted this woman (who I have met once) to throw it. So we chatted for a bit and got some plans set. I emailed her our list of Dean's family that we have accumulated. And she said she'd probably have a few more people to add to it. It could be quite large....sort of scary. I informed Dean he might be coming to this one with me!! Don't get me wrong, I'm very grateful she is doing this for us. It just seems weird to have someone I don't know do all this work for me. But she seemed happy and excited to do it, I hope it wasn't an act! I told her I'd help out as much as she needed. So we'll see. Since I wasn't planning on having a 2nd shower I didn't register for a ton of stuff and I was planning on buying the stuff we needed in the next 8-9 weeks but I guess I'll wait for another 4 to do that. I was a little worried that it was going to be too late for my liking, but as a friend reminded me, it will be something else to look forward to. So hopefully it'll split these 9 weeks up a little! We'll see how it all pans out.

Ok...back to it.

30 week

2009-06-17T11:12:00.002-04:00

How can time be flying by and standing still all at the same time. I read other blogs and it seems like their weeks are going by so much faster than mine....then each Wednesday another number ticks by for me too. But for some reason, my weeks seem slower than all theirs....I know, I'm nuts!
According to my weekly baby updates, the little one is 15.5-16 inches long, weighs about 3 pounds (about the weight of a cabbage) and is the size of a Chihuahua....huh? A dog? Where do they come up with these things? Our next appointment is on Friday morning. It will probably seem like we're going a lot right now, especially since we went in last week for an unplanned appointment. But it is nice to know that someone is checking up on me!

My emotions are starting to creep up on me...I didn't have hardly any crazy hormone induced emotions early on, but for some reason I feel like I could cry at the drop of a hat these days. I don't know if it's because I'm starting to get a little nervous or scared about our impending doom? I know I'm worried about what will happen after the baby gets here. After I go back to work. After Dean quits work. I know I need to take these things one at a time, but that is hard for me. I need to enjoy these last 10 weeks but in all honesty, I don't want to wait, 10 weeks sounds so long!!! And maybe this is all normal....I don't know. Sometimes it sounds like I don't even know what I'm saying (which is probably the case!!) I'm hoping these feelings will pass soon!

Pictures

2009-06-16T11:16:00.005-04:00

The shower was so fun! I think everyone had a nice time, we had yummy food and cake! And the baby got tons of adorable presents. He will be a well dressed baby, that is for sure! It was fun to catch up with friends, new and old. My mom had a blast chatting with her friends too!

Here are a few pictures...

My mom and her sister and me (please excuse my fat face...I really had no idea it looked that bad in pictures!)

The sweater my aunt knitted. The buttons have little blue sailboats on them!

The chair my mom gave to us. Isn't it cute? It will fit the bedroom theme perfectly!!

The yummy cake!!!

The blanket my friend made. The little tags are different colored ribbons. So cute!

Blogger won't let me add more pics....so I'll add more later. But overall we had a great time and I'm so thankful for friends and family who care so much about our little boy!

I took the day off yesterday to spend with my mom and aunt. They came by to see the baby's room, we had a great lunch, had pedicures (which were badly needed) and did a little shopping. Then we had the last baby class last night. We had the hospital tour which was nice. We've both been up there before but it was nice to see it from a different perspective (the one of me laying in the bed having the baby!!) not just visiting. I think we both feel a little more prepared. We only have 2 other classes left, breastfeeding and daddy boot camp. Those are coming up soon. But for now it's back to reality...back to work...and my regular schedule.....boo!

Baby Shower today!!!

2009-06-14T08:34:00.002-04:00

I'm so excited for my baby shower today!! I need to get moving this morning, but just wanted to write about it. A day with friends and family celebrating this little baby sounds like the perfect day!! I can't wait. And as a bonus the baby's room is complete (well, the wallpaper is up). We finally asked if my parents handyman could do it and he came over Saturday and did it in about an hour. In my opinion it was the best $$ we could have spent. It would have taken us all day, I'm sure we would have been at each others throats....so to save us from a day of that any amount of money is worth it! And it looks great. I'll take some pictures to post at some point. We still have a few decisions to make about the room, but I would be happy as is if we didn't do anything else. Well I need to make breakfast and get ready...this morning is going to slip away from me soon!

29 weeks

2009-06-10T09:18:00.002-04:00

Baby is growing and moving constantly. He's the size of a squash and apparently will triple in weight before birth. I feel like birth could be a long ways off...11 weeks sounds so long! I know we have a lot going on, but still.

After reading more about wallpaper hanging, it sounds like it might be a little harder than we thought. We may hire someone to do just that part! I just want it to look right. I wish there was somewhere to practice!

My aunt is coming in to town on Friday from California. I'm excited to see her. And she'll be here for the shower on Sunday.

I am feeling tons better after yesterday's little issue. I don't like to run to the doctor for everything but I'm glad I went. It eased my mind tremendously. And I go back next week for our regular appointment, so I'll be seeing someone pretty regularly now. I've been doing kick counts now for a week. I'm not a huge fan because he moves all the time but when I set aside a time to actually count I feel like he doesn't move. I think I'm just going to start checking off the days when he is moving, even if I don't time them. Especially now since I'm never home at the same time each day! As long as he's moving, I'm happy with that! So other than yesterday everything seems to be fine. His movements and heart rate are all fine and we should be fine til August. I think I just need to start taking it easy at night. After these baby classes, I can do that!

Update

2009-06-09T19:46:00.002-04:00

Well I decided around 11 that the pain was too bad and I was calling. They got me in at 1:30 to see the on call doctor. Who happens to be my regular doctor, so that was nice. He took some measurements, checked the heartbeat and did an internal exam. Everything seemed fine. No blood, cervix is long and closed. He thinks it could just be the baby pushing on something or stretching muscles. Basically they don't know. They hooked me up to a monitor to see if there were any contractions going on. There were a few small ones, but no one seemed concerned. The baby's heartbeat was fine and he was kicking like crazy by the end of it. Basically the only thing they could tell me was to go home and rest. So I went back to work, told them and shut my computer down. Spent the rest of the afternoon at home on the couch. I feel better now. Still some pain, but not near as much. I just took some Tylenol in hopes to help relieve it more so I can sleep tonight. I plan to be fine in the morning and go on with regular activity (at least go to work). I did skip swimming tonight which I'm not thrilled about. But it is in my best interest to rest. And it's only one week. I guess I should be thankful this is the first scare I've had and I'm almost 29 weeks. I have had a pretty easy pregnancy, but let's just hope this doesn't happen again until it's time to give birth!

Pain

2009-06-09T10:05:00.003-04:00

and a lot of it! I woke up this morning with an odd stomach ache. I dropped something while getting ready (not uncommon) and when I bent down to pick it up the pain got worse. Like stabbing pain in my lower abdomen. It then moved up to around my belly button for a while and now it's back down in the lower part. It feels ok if I sit still but as soon as I try to get up that pain is almost unbearable. Are these brax.ton hi.cks? Is this just stretching? I can feel him moving around in there so he must be ok. But I don't know if I can stand this pain all day. And I have swimming tonight, which I would rather not skip. But I will if this pain isn't gone. Actually I'm going to call the doctor this afternoon if it hasn't gotten better or gone away.

I have had such an easy pregnancy, whenever something doesn't feel right, I think it's almost exaggerated because I haven't had any issues. So that could be part of my problem. But for right now, I'm going to lay low in my chair, drink a lot of water and hope it goes away!

The baby's room

2009-06-08T10:20:00.003-04:00

We worked on the baby's room yesterday and it's coming together nicely. It is a complete 180* difference from what I originally wanted but I still like it. The painting caused a little bit of a panic attack on my part. The first coat looked horrible. It was splotchy and streaked. But after the 2nd coat it looked MUCH better. I'm actually happy with the color and we taped the border up just to see what it would look like.

I think it looks cute. Now we have to figure out how to hang the border without making a mess of everything. I read up online about how to do it and they of course make it sound so easy. We may need a few extra hands, but it should be ok. I don't know when we'll have time to do it, maybe next Saturday night. I keep telling Dean once the room is done and the shower is over I'm not going to have anything else to look forward to until the birth...it might be a long 10+ weeks!! I think I will make a list of the other things I need to do that I'm forgetting about (announcements, buying the stuff we still need, resting up before he gets here!) The announcements will be fun to look for. I'm thinking about making them, but I want them to be easy since I'll have to do it after he gets here. I'm getting more and more excited with each event leading up to his arrival!!

On a completely different note, my in laws called yesterday to say they bought a farm in Indiana. Yep, a farm. To raise their horses. It's 12 acres and they plan to have the trainer live there when they aren't there. Now as dumb of an idea as I think this is, I'm thrilled. It's south of Indianapolis, meaning like 5 hours away. I don't know all the details other than they're probably closing this week. I plan to stay OUT of the details. Dean tried to tell his dad about painting the baby's room and getting ready and his dad's response was "You don't have a baby"....if that doesn't sum it up I don't know what does. So as annoyed as I am with this new turn of events, I am trying to put it out of my mind. They don't give us the time of day so we won't have to hear about it much! (I know this makes me sound like a bitch, but when it comes to them, this is what comes out of me!) Something I apparently have to work on!

Baby class again tonight. I skipped the gym in hopes to not wear myself out again this week. And even though it's in the wrong direction, I'm going home after work to rest up before hand. Looking forward to hearing what she has to tell us tonight. And next week is the hospital tour!! Really looking forward to that!

28 weeks

2009-06-03T13:01:00.002-04:00

We had the fastest doctor appointment on record this morning. We got there a little early and there was only one person in the waiting room. We got called right a way. The nurse did the stats, asked the questions and left. The doctor came in, did his measurement, checked the heart rate and asked if we had any questions. We didn't this time. The only thing that caused it to be longer than it could have been was there is some protein in my urine. He said it was only +1 on the stick and my blood pressure seemed ok (within the normal range, but seemed high for me). So he said we will monitor it at each visit and if anything changes we will deal with it when it comes up. Knowing the bad things that can come of this, I of course freak out a little in my head, but I know the doctor knows best and I will just try to relax and wait to see what comes of it. I feel fine, so as long as that continues that should be fine. And then as an afterthought he mentions my sugar test came back fine....sort of funny. I think he thought they called me with the results. But either way, I was relieved to hear that. And I start my kick count now. So for 2 hours a day I need to count til I get to 10. The one thing I wasn't sure about and forgot to ask, do I need to write this stuff down? Or just do it in my head?
Stats: baby's heart rate was at 150; measuring 28cm (right on track), weight is the same as last appointment (sort of weird, my scale and the gym scale both say I lost a pound....I have NO idea how that happened!!! Must be a fluke!)
I'm still feeling pretty good. Haven't had a bloody nose in a while. Not feeling as stuffed up. My stomach is growing, which makes it hard to sleep. But we're working on finding a comfortable position. And we have our first baby class tonight. Looking forward to that although I would prefer to go home and take a nap!!